


Ben Solo and his Midwife Crisis

by Ray_Gosh



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Babies, Baby, Ben Solo - Freeform, Childbirth, Doula - Freeform, F/M, Pregnancy, Rey - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, Single Parents, childbirth education, depictions of birth, depictions of pregnancy, ginger flower, ginger rose, pregnancy related content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ray_Gosh/pseuds/Ray_Gosh
Summary: Nurse Ben quits his job to become a full time natural childbirth educator and doula. He is empathetic, dependable, calm and professional, that is, until he is hired by a very pregnant and very nervous, single mom Rey, who is a student midwife. He can’t stop thinking about her after their first class, and he knows it’s SO wrong. Until he realizes she’s a surrogate for her best friends, Rose and Armitage Hux.Ben becomes her birth doula and then her postpartum doula. Will he manage to stay professional or will he ruin his reputation and career by his inability to remain level headed around her?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 160
Kudos: 224





	1. Ben Solo, CBE and Birth Doula

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!  
> ⚠️ 
> 
> If you have a hard time reading about pregnancy, labor or birth related topics, stop reading. 
> 
> 💙🤰🏻💗🤱🏻💛

Ben Solo never set out to be a childbirth educator and doula. It’s not exactly something he’d grown up expecting to be. As a child when anyone asked him the inevitable question, “So, what do you want to be young man?” He’d always answer along the lines of, “A pilot just like dad!” or “I’m going to join the army and be a general just like mom.”

Well, childhood dreams fade, and as young Ben grew up, he became disillusioned with both of his parents’ professions. Not that there was anything wrong with either of them; being a pilot was always an adventure, and a military career was honorable and glorious. But young Ben had often been lonely, he and his baby sister Kaydel spending long periods of time with their bachelor uncle Luke, were practically raised by him, only seeing their father several hours here and there throughout the week when his flight route allowed it, and their mom’s career was even worse, taking her away from them for months at a time. She was fierce, brave, loyal and a wonderful mother, just not a very present one. And young Ben grew up resenting that. He was a sensitive and highly empathetic boy; his nature fueling a new desire, to be a rock in someone else’s storm, to be a nurse.

So Ben Solo went to nursing school, and for a time, that satisfied him. But after a while, it started to feel like he was simply a cog in a well oiled machine. Yes, he was kind, present, there for his patients, yes they cheered up whenever he entered a room. But the way the system worked, he never had enough time to focus on his patients as much as he wanted, his rotating shifts sometimes making him dizzy, and he started to feel like nothing more than a doctor’s assistant or errand boy. Nursing was a noble profession, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy that ache inside, to really be there 100% for his patients from start to finish.

No, Ben had never wanted to be a doula, he had never even known what a doula WAS exactly. He remembered hearing the term once on one of his favorite comedy series, “Brooklyn 99”, where a doula was described as, “someone who supports you emotionally and physically and coaches you through the birth process... like a vaginal Gandalf”. And he’d been intrigued, while getting a good laugh. But it never occurred to him that a doula would be a good profession for a very uterusless and vaginaless MAN to get into. 

Not until he was forced into the role. That’s when he found his calling, his passion, and everything changed.

Ben was 26 at the time, and had been working as a full time nurse for about four years. That’s when his 19 year old “baby” sister Kaydel came to him. She was pregnant, single, and was adamant she was keeping her baby. She begged for Ben’s help and support. She was frightened. 

Ben had always been like a parental figure to her, although he was only 7 years older. He immediately took Kaydel under his wing, his sympathetic and determined nature spurring him along on his new mission, to learn anything and everything about pregnancy and birth. He took Kay to every appointment, and she asked him to go with her to birthing classes. That’s where he met Amilyn Holdo. 

Holdo was a a local legend among the natural childbirth educators and doulas. She wasn’t adverse to medical interventions when they were needed; but she was convinced that about 75% of the time, a laboring woman was best left as much as possible to herself. Many maternal complications and even deaths could have been avoided if the OB/Gyne institution wasn’t so eager to interfere with their scalpels, narcotic pain meds and meddlesome poking and prodding. 

“After all,” Holdo would say, “birth is an extension and culmination of the sexual act. 99% of the time, a man and a woman created their baby in peaceful, harmonic, romantic solitude. Oxytocin, the love hormone, flowed in abundance between them. So why isn’t it the norm for women to give birth in a calm, intimate setting, with dim lights and muted sounds, surrounded by the people she loves and trusts the most?”

Ben was hooked. He took a local course and got certified to become a birth doula so he could be as supportive as his dear, vulnerable sister deserved. 

When Kaydel went into labor he was by her side the whole time. He shielded her the best he could, keeping the poking and prodding hospital staff away from her as much as possible, and made sure no one approached her without having a copy of her birth plan. He kept the lights dim, infused the room with lavender, and made sure her relaxing playlist was on. He massaged her back when she went through transition, and was there to help prop her up as she delivered peacefully in a squatting position on her bed. The blissful mother, starry eyed with love for her tiny son, was able to enjoy an uninterrupted first hour with the wee baby before he was whisked away for the newborn checkups. It was magical, and empathetic Ben got such a rush, he was eager to experience this work again. But he was still hesitant; maybe this high he was feeling wouldn’t happen for him if he were to doula a stranger, maybe it was just his relief and happiness after 9 months of worry over his little sister had come to a successful end. 

So he continued his work as a nurse, but soon requested to be kept full time in the maternity ward. And each time he was present for the birth of a baby he experienced the same rush of happiness, but in a lesser degree. Soon he realized it was because he was not 100% invested in the laboring mothers; as a nurse, he was in the hospital’s employ, and had duties unrelated to the patients. As a doula though, he had been 100% invested in his client, from beginning to the end. 

He decided to add his name to the local online doula directory. Then he waited. It took a couple of months before he found a client though, and the expectant mother had actually gotten his name from Kaydel, not from online. Another single mother, scared, lonely, afraid. She hit it off with Ben, taking to his kind nature instantly. That birth was lovely as well, even though the mom had some complications requiring her to go in for a cesarean. But there was still so much Ben could do to make it a calm and relaxing experience for her. He repeated positive affirmations with her and held her hand during the operation. He made sure the mom’s wishes for delayed cord clamping were followed and the mother got a few precious moments cuddling with her baby immediately after her birth. 

Ben owed his boom in success after this second experience mainly to word of mouth. Like magic, single moms were flocking to him in droves, drawn to his strong and manly, yet surprisingly soft and gentle demeanor. He had found his niche! He soon quit his job as a nurse, got certified in teaching childbirth education and added that to his repertoire. He rented a small, intimate office not too far from the best local birthing center in the city, and started hosting both group and private classes. He also became a hit on social media, amassing thousands of followers. 

He was a handsome, sexy, empathetic, passionate, and relatively famous single guy, teaching hundreds of emotional, vulnerable, sensitive single moms every year, yet he never had any issues whatsoever keeping everything strictly professional, he never took down his work boundaries around his clients, never caused any one of his clients to ever feel the slightest bit self conscious or embarrassed to have him around him. He was always pleasant, serious, understanding, and kept his professional mask on in front of all clients, without it showing a single crack... 

That is, until he met REY.


	2. Who’s the Girl?!?

When Ben’s phone chimed with what was probably his hundredth email of the day, he sighed in exhaustion. He was just about to lay down, finally, after attending a client through her exhausting 31 hours of labor. She had given birth to her first child completely naturally after valiant and almost superhuman effort. Ben was in awe. Her labor had stalled for hours and hours because the baby’s position hadn’t been optimal for baby to descend. An OB would simply have rolled her eyes and impatiently ordered a c-section, even though mother and baby were handling the long labor perfectly well; but this mom was determined and Ben was supportive. Finally, Ben helped the mom find a position that worked for her body, and the baby was born after only a few pushes. Ben then stayed with the exhausted mom for a few more hours, to help her get the hang of breastfeeding, and he refused to leave until she’d had a small meal herself and had fallen into a deep, restful sleep. In short, it had been a long (though infinitely rewarding) couple of days for Ben.

When Ben forced his eyes open for a few more minutes to check his email, and saw a new student application waiting for him there, from a Ms. Rey Johnson, he had no idea that he would grow to feel so intimately connected with the applicant. Blissfully unaware of his future, and satisfied it wasn’t another one of his clients going into labor, Ben fell asleep without even opening the form.

Nine hours of dreamless sleep later, Ben woke up suddenly to the incessant chime of his doorbell ringing. Scrambling out of bed, checking his phone in a panic lest he didn’t hear a client in her hour of need, he rushed to the front door, pulling a black sweater over his broad bare chest. 

Bleary eyed he cracked open the door; it was Kaydel with Poe, her 3 year old sparkly eyed, curly dark haired bundle of energy. “Uncle Ben!” Poe laughed as he catapulted himself into laughing Ben’s arms. “Hey, it’s my Buddy!” Ben cried as he threw a delighted Poe up into the air before pulling him in close for a snuggle. Poe LOVED it when his uncle tossed him in the air, Uncle Ben was so tall that it felt just like he was flying. Little Poe, now grown impatient of cuddles, soon wiggled free and ran off into the spare room, where he knew uncle Ben kept a basket of toys just for his benefit. Kay was looking on, smiling at the exchange between little Poe and her dear brother.

“Hi Kay, how are you this mor... I mean this afternoon.” Ben corrected sheepishly. It was already 4 pm and Kaydel must have just picked up Poe from his great uncle Luke’s house after her shift as a guidance counselor in the local university, Millennium Academy.

“I bet you had a late night Benny, and I can’t stay long, Poe actually has a soccer game in an hour; but Uncle Luke asked me to bring you this...” she handed him a delicious smelling baking dish of lasagna, wrapped up well in aluminum foil, “and I also wanted to see if you checked your email yet? There’s this pregnant girl Rey who came to see me the other day at Millenium. Ben, she’s absolutely AWESOME, she just transferred over from the University of Utah, studying to be a Midwife. She has the cutest British accent... she’s apparently American, but being an orphan she was adopted by a couple who took her to spend her formative years over in the UK.”

Kaydel paused to take a breath, while Ben smiled to himself, amused. She sure was a talker, and wore her heart on her sleeve. The more interested she was in a person, the faster she talked. And Ben never minded, happy to be her listener. Judging by her pace now, she must be smitten with this mysterious stranger. They walked into the house together, pausing near the kitchen counter.

“What did she come to see you for?” Ben asked, unsure of what Kaydel had in mind, and automatically offering her a glass of water without skipping a beat. It was second nature to him to make sure every woman in a ten foot radius to him was well hydrated. But he wondered what the mysterious British orphan had to do with him. He WAS well known for being on excellent terms with all the midwives at Amilyn’s Birth Center, maybe she wanted a recommendation for the girl.

Gulping down her water and taking a deep breath, Kay continued, “Thanks Benny! Where was I? Yes Rey! She’s the sweetest thing Ben. I totally would have tried to set you up if she wasn’t obviously halfway through a pregnancy. But she came to me for advice, as she only knows one couple in town... she kinda made it seem like they influenced her decision to come here, not sure why. Maybe they are family. But anyway she wants to finish her summer term and then take the entire fall semester off for maternity leave. And she wanted to know if the university offered any childbirth classes. BEN I JUMPED UP OUT OF MY CHAIR and told her all about you. She’s really excited to start. Pleeeeeeeease tell me you can squeeze her in?? She’s due in mid November.” Kaydel was bouncing up and down, grabbing onto Ben’s arm, her eyes round and sparkling. She knew Ben had a hard time denying her anything. But Ben looked grave, and a frown line creased his brow. 

“I really wouldn’t mind Kay, you know that. But I already have three births coming up in November and a list of client applicants a mile long. You know it’s not feasible for me to take more than 4 clients a month. What if all the women go into labor the same night? Or someone due in October or December is early or late? I can’t promise anythi...” Kaydel quickly interrupted him, making light of his concerns with a wave of her hand.

“Of course Ben, I know you can’t promise to take her. I know how demanding your work schedule is. But all I’m asking is for you to look over her application and meet her for the first interview. I just have a FEELING about this girl. Call it intuition maybe? But she’s special for sure and I want to help her out!” as she spoke she had been busy, taking the lasagna out of Ben’s hands, popping it in the oven with a timer, then walking into the living room she called out, “Put away the toys Poe honey, time for soccer!” (“Weeeeeeee!” squealed a little voice, and they heard the sound of toys hastily and noisily being dumped into the plastic storage box.) Looking at Ben with an affectionate smile, Kay suddenly sighed, “Oh Ben, I wish you had someone here to take care of you.” 

“Don’t worry about me,” Ben shrugged, striving to hide the sudden overwhelming feeling of loneliness engulfing his heart as best as he could. He didn’t want Kay to worry about him, she had enough on her plate as it was. “You and Poe take care of me plenty. And I’m a big boy.” 

“Well that’s the understatement of the century,” quipped Kay, the top of her head barely reaching Ben’s shoulders. Poe emerged from the spare room at a gallop then, straight at Ben’s legs, who pretended like he was about to be knocked over. Laughing in glee, Poe hugged his uncle’s leg, and he and Kay left in a flurry of goodbyes. 

Ben sighed when they were gone, the house was suddenly too quiet, and there was no denying he was lonely. Heart achingly lonely. Somewhere along the path to success he’d forgotten to attend to his own personal life. He’d spent too many years putting others people’s needs ahead of his own, and yes, it made him very happy to do it. But his 29th birthday was coming up in three months, and he was starting to wonder if there was anything more to life than this, anyone out there who was meant just for HIM?

Lost in melancholy thought, he got uncle Luke’s lasagna out of the oven and served himself a slice. Sitting down at the kitchen island of his rather small but very nice two bedroom home, he was awoken from his reverie by the ping on his phone announcing a message from an anxious client, who was due any day now. After a lengthy discussion with her about her fears and nervousness, he decided he’d better get back to work sorting through the long, long, LONG list of client applications he had waiting for him. He vaguely wondered if it was time to hire an official assistant. Opening his email app, he saw the message he’d started to read before falling asleep. Remembering his sister’s urging, he opened the file from Rey Johnson first. 

In her application she wrote that she was single, a midwifery student, it was her first ever pregnancy, she had just turned 20 years old a few months ago in April; her replies to the standard questions on the form were answered in a very pleasant, light hearted and cheerful manner. At least, that’s the impression Ben was getting from just a few vague lines on an official form. No wonder Kay was raving about the girl. Making a snap decision, he decided to call her. 

Dialing her number, the phone rang at least eight times, and Ben was expecting to reach her voice mail. However on the ninth ring, someone picked up the phone, and a lovely, sweet and INVITING voice answered, “Hello?”

Something queer happened to Ben at that moment. For some reason, the warm voice set butterflies fluttering in the pit of his stomach. She sounded SO NICE. Shocked at his reaction, he blustered through his usual introduction, “Hello... This... this is.. I’m Ben Solo, the childbirth educator and Doula calling for Ms... Johnson?”

The lovely voice immediately warmed up to him, and lightly began chatting away, “OH BEN SOLO, what a pleasure! I’m so pleased to hear from you so soon! Your sister Ms. Solo was raving about you and your profession, and I must say I was impressed by what I saw of your work and clientele online!”

For some reason Ben’s mouth suddenly went a bit dry, and he had to clear his throat before he could reply coherently, “ahemhem, excuse me.... Ms Johnson, that’s really great. I called to set up an interview with you, of course you won’t be charged anything, it’s just to see if .... you... and I... are a... good fit.”

Clear bubbling laughter erupted from the other end of the line, and Ben found himself grinning like a schoolboy when he heard it, “Don’t call me Ms Johnson, that’s what they called my step mother! Call me Rey... just Rey.” 

“Alrighty roo Rey!” Ben quipped, then immediately cringed. What the hell WAS that? Why can’t he talk like a normal human being to the owner of the lovely voice? Forcing himself to focus, he continued, “would tomorrow afternoon suit you? Provided none of my clients go into labor that is.”

“I finish classes at 3 pm tomorrow, so perhaps we can meet around 4?”

“Perfect Rey, I’ll send you my office location right away, and I’ll make sure to call you if anything changes.”

“Excellent! Here’s hoping none of the other ladies give birth until AFTER our first meeting,” Rey answered eagerly. Ben could TELL she was smiling. He wondered what her mouth looked like. He blinked. “I hope so too. Till tomorrow then Rey!” 

Lost in thought, Ben sat there, stupidly grinning to himself, until he was shaken out of his reverie by a phone call from the same nervous client he’d been chatting with earlier. He assured her patiently that the baby wouldn’t just fall out if she went for a walk, and explained kindly for the hundredth time how beneficial walking in the last trimester could be. But he felt that he wasn’t completely mentally present with her, and that disturbed him a bit. He couldn’t stop thinking about Rey. He hoped that feeling would end once he met the girl and put a face to the voice. 

“I wonder if she’s as pretty and wholesome as her voice...?” Ben wondered.


	3. You’ve Got This Ben! (No you don’t.)

That night, Ben dreamt he was in a large field, where gigantic sunny daisies and bright yellow sunflowers were growing, taller even than he; and as he walked through the floral jungle he heard a far off voice that spoke to him in cheerful yet alluringly intimate tones, which he could never quite catch up too, try as he might; constantly urging him on, impossibly unattainable. He woke up with a pang of disappointment, but soon quickly forgot about the dream in his anticipation for the day. 

His morning was busy, so busy in fact that he barely had time to dwell on the mysterious Rey and her lovely voice. Their meeting that afternoon was intriguing, something he looked forward too in the small breaks he took between clients. 

First thing after breakfast, he recorded a five min clip for his social media followers entitled, “5 tips on how to choose a labor position that works for you.” Recording, editing and posting on all of his platforms took about an hour. Soon after that he set out to visit the new mom whose birth he had attended the day before, to make sure all was well with her and baby before she was discharged from the Birth Center, and he even drove her and her baby home and helped her to settle in, as she was a single mother living far away from family and friends. This wasn’t usually something a doula would do for a client, but Ben would always go above and beyond for the friendless and alone. He’d even helped her to find a good deal with a postpartum doula who would come to spend a few hours helping the new mom around the house every day for the first week, and Ben remained at the home until she arrived. 

This took all of the rest of Ben’s morning, after which he stopped in the local diner, “Finn’s” for a hurried lunch before heading over to his studio to give the afternoon group session. The class usually lasted from 1-3 pm; today’s group consisted of several single moms and a married couple, and despite the fact that the classes were usually super enjoyable to Ben, today he was finding himself feeling oddly anxious and distracted. He kept looking at the clock every few minutes, whose short hand was inching infuriatingly slowly towards the three.

Finally the class was over, and Ben hurriedly assigned everyone their “relaxation homework” as they collected their belongings, helped Ben to tidy up and began to leave one by one, chatting and laughing. Alone now, Ben shook himself, urging himself to stop being so... so WEIRD, and unprofessional. None of it made sense, and he soon reasoned himself back into a state of relative calm. It was just now 3:30, and he still had about half an hour until “the new client” showed up. Making himself a cup of tea, he sat down cross legged on his mat on the floor and placed the printout of Rey’s application in front of him. 

“Rey... just Rey,” he murmured aloud to himself, liking the sound of it, and almost immediately after he was startled by a brisk rapping knock on the studio door, causing him to spill a bit of hot tea on his fingers as well as the application in front of him. As the door cracked open, the blinding light from the afternoon sun enveloped the form peeking through in a glorious golden halo. “Mr. Solo? It’s Rey!” Ben heard her voice before he saw her. Flustered now and with a heart racing a hundred miles an hour, he hastily stood up. His jaw fell open, and he forgot his manners for a few moments as he started in astonishment. An absolute vision of a girl had materialized in front of his eyes; and weirdly enough, he thought of Shakespeare at that moment, specifically at the questionable notion so often a theme in his works, “love at first sight”. Now he understood the sentiment in a blinding flash of extreme clarity. 

Gasping like a fish out of water, he took her all in. Her softly waving brown hair framing a lightly tanned face; a perky little nose set between softly curving cheeks, lightly blushing, with a handful of pale brown freckles generously scattered across; full, pink, sinfully kissable lips complete with a sweet lopsided smile; and a pair of soulful and empathetic hazel eyes peeking at him a bit shyly, although she didn’t seem to be the timid type. Perhaps it was a reaction to the way Ben Solo was looking at her. 

The girl’s hands went up instinctively to cradle her protruding stomach, drawing Ben’s eyes down, to the baby. Feeling as if he’d been drenched in a bucket of ice water, Ben remembered his place, his profession, his oath to himself to serve his clients well, and immediately smiled warmly in greeting, holding out his hand to her courteously.

“Just Rey, I presume?” He smiled down into her eyes. She wasn’t a short woman, she was actually taller than average, although her petite form was rather dwarfed by Ben’s massive frame. Encouraged, Rey smiled outright, placing her soft little hand straight into Ben’s large one, shaking it in greeting.

“Yes, I’m glad you remembered me! I’m sorry I’m a bit early, class was over faster than I thought and I was so eager to meet you that I rushed over immediately. I figured if you were busy I could have a seat somewhere and wait for you. It seems I disturbed you when I came in so suddenly, I was afraid you forgot all about me!” as Rey spoke a variety of expressions flashed prettily over her features, and at the very end a playful pout began to take form upon her lips. Ben caught himself staring at her mouth again, and he forced himself to look at her pregnant belly and then back into her eyes before continuing. “No, no! Not at all, not at all! I am perfectly free, just was lost in thought and so I was startled a bit, nothing at all to be sorry for! Please, have a seat Rey.” 

For the next hour, Ben talked, interviewed and listened to Rey as one dazed. He hardly knew what he was saying, and he thanked the Lord above that he had answered the standard questions that Rey was asking him now so many thousands of times over the past few years that he was able to answer her almost without thinking. 

He wondered what her story was, and normally he would have no problem at all asking a prospective client about her relationship status and sexual history. But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to ask the same questions of Rey. He knew from what she offered on her own that she was single, but she also seemed to imply that she would be bringing an intimate friend with her to most of her classes. Ben wondered who the intimate friend was... possibly the baby’s father. He’s had many clients in the past who kept the baby’s father involved in the pregnancy and birth, even if the two of them were no longer a romantic couple. Ben felt a pang of a foreign feeling in his gut at the thought, something so akin to jealousy that it could be called by no other name. But he gave himself a mental shake and told her of course she could bring anyone she liked with her to the classes, many of the other clients did, some even brought more than two along, for support. Rey smiled, satisfied on that point, and then mentioned that she would prefer to take private classes, which made Ben’s heart pound strangely; and when she filled out the required forms, she put someone else’s name and address for the billing information. Peering suspiciously at the form after a Rey handed it to him, Ben thought his suspicions were confirmed; the classes were to be paid for by a certain Armitage Hux. Ben (rather shakily) penciled her “and a friend” in for a morning class the next week. Rey beamed in excitement. 

Both Rey and Ben had been so engrossed in their conversation and planning that neither of them realized that the clock was about to strike five, and a young 17 year old pregnant girl was just entering the studio along with the couple who would be adopting her baby once it was born. 

“Oh my goodness, look at the time!” Rey gasped, astonished, as Ben helped her to her feet. “It sure flies fast when you’re entertained. As I mentioned before I’m a student midwife, so you know birth has always been so fascinating to me. However it’s a completely different thing to actually be pregnant oneself! And I feel like when it comes to the point, I actually know nothing at all.” Rey laughed lightly in amusement and Ben chuckled along with her. Walking her to the door, he said good bye, urging her to call or message him whenever she had even the tiniest question or concern. Day or night, rain or shine, he was on call for her 24/7. Rey thanked him, beamed gratefully, and walked out. Ben watched though the window as she got into her slightly older looking salt’n’pepper Mini Cooper and drove off. 

Ben then greeted his waiting clients and excused himself for a quick break. Locking himself in the bathroom, he looked at his flushed face in the mirror and groaned, leaning his head into the glass. “Oh Ben.... Ben. What are you thinking, taking her on as a client?” he mentally reasoned with himself, “You know you shouldn’t have. You can’t stop thinking about her lips, and her soft hands entwined in your hair as she kisses you.... NO!!! SEE!!! You’ve never felt this way about a client Ben, and you can’t ACT ON IT with a client. Let alone a pregnant client....”

Ben sighed, splashing his face with cold water. He looked back at his reflection in the mirror, “keep it professional buddy. No funny business from you. Thoughts in check, treat her just like any other pregnant woman in need. That’s all. You’ve got this!”

With that he went out reenergized, ready to teach his last class of the day.

But Ben Solo was wrong. He did not, in fact, have this.


	4. A Wild Ben Appears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> ⚠️ 
> 
> Mentions of adoption, miscarriage and infertility.

The week passed by for Ben in a long blur of monotony fueled with strange bursts of anticipation. No matter what he did, he COULD NOT get Rey out of his head. When teaching classes, he imagined he was teaching HER. When he attended two back to back births in the middle of the week, he imagined he was attending HER. He had to force himself to refrain from texting her like a maniac multiple times a day. After she’d left, he’d practically had to sit on his hands to avoid the urge to call or message her. Finally, the next morning, not able to stand it anymore, he decided to get it out of his system, settling for his standard doula/client message:

“Good morning, it was a pleasure meeting you yesterday. Thank you for inviting me to join you on your sacred journey to motherhood. You can reach me on this number at any hour of the day or night. I keep my phone charged and on me at all times, feel free to contact me for anything at all!  
Expectantly, Ben Solo”

Conflicted, Ben hesitated before pressing send. Surely, the girl from yesterday deserved a bit more from him than his usual, rather lame generic message. He decided to personalize it a bit:

“Good morning ‘Just Rey’, it was a pleasure meeting you yesterday. Thank you for inviting me to join you on your sacred journey to motherhood. You can reach me on this number at any hour of the day or night. Whether you have a legitimate question or concern or just feel lonely and need to reach out, my line is always open to you. I keep my phone charged and on me at all times, feel free to contact me for anything at all!  
Expectantly Yours, Ben Solo”

Quickly pressing send before he could second guess himself, he put his phone quickly back into his pocket. He started to worry then, what if it had been too much? And more importantly, was he CRAZY? Why was THIS client effecting him in such a way... why was SHE different from any of the other hundreds of pretty, young, single women he had taught and been doula too? None of THEM had ever elicited even the slightest emotional response from him besides empathy and good will. Shaking his head at himself, he tried to busy himself with writing material for his next social media blast. Just then his phone chimed, and his stomach fell. It was a message from Rey.

“Hello again Ben, it was a pleasure for me to meet you as well. ☺️ I feel I’ve learned so much from you already, in the hour and a half we’ve spent together. I’m really looking forward to our class, I hope the next week goes by quickly! 😄

I’ll be sure to take advantage of your generous offer and send you a line whenever I feel the least bit indisposed or melancholy... you may live to regret this.  
😅

Your soon to be favorite client, Just Rey”

Ben couldn’t stop grinning for the rest of the day.

***

The next day, after finally gathering his thoughts coherently enough to get some work done, Ben managed to record, edit and post up his next five minute clip, “Discomfort in the labor room: Don’t feel obligated to invite people to your birth unless you absolutely trust them and want them there.”

Rey didn’t influence him AT ALL in his choice of a topic. Of course the daydreams he had of Rey and her possible potential baby daddy trying to force his unwanted self into the labor room to take over from Ben, did not play any role at all in his choice of subject matter. No way. 

Ben sat at his desk for a while after he finished posting, opening his social media pages one by one, allowing himself an hour to go through the thousands of comments, to answer a few questions he received from his subscribers and fan base. The morning was a slow one, due to a cancellation he didn’t have any classes scheduled until the afternoon. He sent out some tweets, liked a few Instagram posts, and finally he made it to Facebook. He rarely used social media for his own personal relationships, not having the time or feeling the effort worthwhile. He was old fashioned in the sense that he preferred the intimacy of a phone call, or else a text/email to communicate. Success forced him to stay active online though to some extent.

Suddenly, a name caught his eye.... right there in his Facebook notifications, plain as day, telling him that several of his past posts were “liked by Rey Johnson”. Seven posts as a matter of fact. Some going quite far back, posted several months ago. Ben’s heart started to pound. She had liked his posts so much that she’d obviously seen quite a bit of his work. He clicked on her profile. 

“Humph,” went Ben to himself. Her profile was on private. He couldn’t see any of her posts, and only a bit of info was available to him. It mentioned her birthday, “April 10.” Her education, “Studying Midwifery at Millennium Academy”. She was listed as single. 

But right there.... it was she. Her profile picture. She was as gorgeous as he remembered her. He stared at the picture for a good couple of minutes, lost in thought. He clicked to enlarge the image. He sighed. Suddenly, he felt foolish. “I’m a freaking STALKER!” he huffed, and he closed the laptop in haste and left the house to run some errands.

Hours later, mellow and distracted, he came back home with a couple of shopping bags containing new scrubs and pair of comfy NB sneakers. Walking into his bedroom, he spotted the laptop, and instantly thought of Rey again. With deliberate purpose, he opened the laptop, where her profile page was still open. He quickly exited and then signed out of Facebook. He was going to stop being so foolish. So what if he thought she was pretty, bewitching, delightful... who cares if he had a little crush? It was fine! He would simply be professional and not let it get in the way of his work. His protective instincts kicked in full blast as he remembered her, so delicate looking, so alone, cradling her pregnant belly. What horrors did she escape from in her past? What ASSHOLE would LEAVE REY after getting her PREGNANT?!? Rey NEEDED him and he wouldn’t disappoint her. 

Satisfied, he went to bed. 

***

Finally the week passed and THE DAY came, which was to hold his first official class with Rey. He had kept his relationship with her as professional as could be, answering the questions she sent him in her occasional texts very matter of factly. Ben took extra care grooming himself that morning. He carefully shaved, and took ten extra minutes arranging and styling his hair. Dressing up in a casual pale blue button up shirt and soft navy blue slacks, he looked at himself in the mirror to admire the effect. He looked at his features critically, wishing for the first time that his ears didn’t stick out quite so much and that he had more regular features. But he did like his hair, and he was rather proud of his eyes. “Meh.” he thought, “it doesn’t matter how I look as long as I’m clean and presentable for Rey, I mean for class.” He drove to the studio two hours early to set everything up and prepare. 

That turned out to be a mistake. The studio was already in pristine condition as usual, and setting up for class took a mere 15 minutes, and he ended up wandering restlessly from room to room, wondering if she would arrive as early as she had last time, and if she would bring a partner with her, and if so, who? Maybe it was that “Armitage Hux”. He frowned. A man with name like that was probably an asshole. 

Rey did not arrive early this time. In fact, she was rather late. Ten whole minutes late in fact, Ben counted. He was about to actually call her up when he saw the Mini pull up at last outside his tiny studio, and he was so satisfied to actually see her again that he barely recognized the someone else opening the door of the passenger side of the car. It was a tall, pale, rather handsome looking man with luxurious waves of auburn hair. “Looks like a HUX,” Ben sniffed to himself. The man was suave, elegant, refined. He was smiling and laughing with Rey, as he walked around the car and placed his hand on her upper arm to gently guide her to the studio. A wild beast inside Ben roared and howled in raging fury. 

The door swung open and Rey’s jasmine perfume wafted tantalizingly around Ben, and suddenly she was in front of him, reaching out to grasp his hand for a warm handshake, smiling bewitchingly up into his face. Ben momentarily forgot the male stranger as he felt the joy of Rey’s presence wash over him. His mind almost blank, he grinned down at her quite idiotically. 

“Ben! I thought this day would never come. It hit me that I’m over half way through this pregnancy and I’m not prepared for the birth AT ALL! I’m actually 24 weeks pregnant today.” Rey gushed. Her next sentence soon wiped the smile off of Ben’s face though. “I’m SO sorry I’m late by the way, Armie’s car broke down so I had to pick him up at work. Ben, this is Armitage Hux, the baby’s father.” 

Hux stepped forward smiling pleasantly, holding out a hand to Ben. Ben’s eyes narrowed just a tiny bit, and a muscle in his jaw twitched slightly as he reached out and grasped Hux’s hand in his larger one. (Ben’s hands were deft, muscular and sensitive, thanks to the countless neck, back, foot and hand massages he gave to his clients in labor.) To his chagrin he noticed he was puffing his broad chest out involuntarily, completely against his will, and he pumped Hux’s hand up and down firmly, formally greeting the man, guiltily conscious that he was being absolutely ridiculous.

“Pleasure Hux, do be seated. Anywhere will do.” Turning once more to Rey with a softened, almost apologetic air, he continued, “Where would you feel most comfortable Rey? Most of my clients prefer to sit with a mat and cushion on the floor, but please take a chair if you feel it would be more comfortable for you.” 

“The floor will do!” Rey chirped, “I’m quite used to it, I used to take Yoga once a week before I moved here.”

Ben silently led the way to the stack of thick mats and freshly cleaned cushions and helped Rey set herself up, Hux silently following. Just as Ben himself was staring to sit down, the chime on the door indicated the arrival of another person. Looking up in slight confusion, he saw a pretty, vivacious little woman enter, with shoulder length silky black hair and sparkling dark brown eyes. Could he have accidentally double booked today’s time slot? How unprofessional of him, what would Rey think, when she specifically asked for private classes? He really needed to hire an assistant. But before he could speak, Rey was already calling out in greeting and waving to the woman, and Hux had actually stood up, walked over and kissed her straight on the mouth. 

Ben looked over at Rey, utterly bewildered. So did this man impregnate Rey and actually LEAVE HER FOR ANOTHER WOMAN?!? The audacity! But Rey had already noticed his confused expression with slight surprise, and was in the process of introducing the stranger, who had already helped herself to a mat and had plopped down on the other side of Rey. 

“Ben, this is the baby’s mother, my best friend Rose Tico Armitage.”

“A pleasure to meet you Ben! Rey has been raving about you ALL WEEK LONG! And now I can see why,” she winked. Ben loved her already. “Sorry I’m late, it was my turn for after school duty today, and young Charlie’s mom was almost half an hour late in picking him up. Don’t get me wrong, I love working with preschoolers, but sometimes it’s just SUPER exhausting.” 

Ben smiled at her, but still did not understand. His eyes darted down to Rose’s toned stomach, then over to Rey and her baby bump. “The baby’s mother?” he almost whispered. It felt like the Earth was shifting under him. He waited breathlessly for the reply, of all things desiring clarity. 

“Huh? Yes, she’s Armie’s wife. Oh... dear God! Don’t tell me I forgot to give you any back story in my eagerness to get all my questions answered!” Rey was horrified with her forgetfulness, and quickly explained everything with the help of Rose and Hux.

Hux was Rey’s adopted cousin, and Rose was Rey’s closest friend and Hux’s childhood sweetheart. Rose had been adopted as well, by the Johnson’s family friends and neighbors, and the three children had formed an inseparable trio. Rose was four years older than Rey, and she and Hux had been married and trying to conceive for over three years. Miscarriage upon miscarriage hurt and discouraged them, and they had nearly given up in despair, as none of Rose’s pregnancies had lasted longer than 7 weeks. 

After countless consultations with specialists, it was discovered that Rose’s uterus was malformed. It was something that she had been born with, and her only option now was either adoption or surrogacy. Resigned, she and Hux had started the adoption application process, but it was a long, hard and expensive road, and after spending so much money on fertility specialists and doctors, it would probably be years before they could afford to make their dreams of adopting a child and becoming parents come true.

Then Rey brought hope into their lives once more. Her empathetic soul had bled for them and she wept with them at their great sorrows. After spending over a year privately considering the idea, she finally made up her mind on a truly selfless act, and, approaching her best friend and her cousin one memorable day, she offered to carry their embryo free of charge, as long as they took care of all the medical bills. Sorely tempted, but still unconvinced, they were hesitant to accept such a valuable gift, but Rey’s generous act of unselfishness won in the end, and they agreed to try it, and had an embryo implanted in as soon as they could make it happen. It worked on the very first try, and that’s how Rey became pregnant.

“Not QUITE a virgin birth, but it might as well have been,” Rey joked. “I thank the Lord my one and only experience, Mr. 30 seconds and done, didn’t do THIS.” Ben squirmed in his seat. 

The rest of the story was simple enough. Lonely, and starting to feel the difficulties of pregnancy weigh down on her, she decided to transfer to Millennium Academy for her remaining year to be close to her dear family, for that’s what Hux and Rose always had been to her. Her adoptive parents had been much older when they had brought her into their lives, and both of her parents had died within a year of each other when Rey was around 18 years old. 

After this explanation, interspersed with pleasant chat, reminiscing and laughter, the class went beautifully. It was the best class Ben had ever given in fact. He was witty, smart, vivacious, professional. He soon became fast friends with Hux... he really loved that guy. Rose too was awesome. And Rey... How did Ben feel now, knowing that Rey was very much single, with not a single actual baby daddy to weigh her down? 

He felt alive.


	5. He’s Fallen in Love and He Can’t Get Up

The next ten weeks flew by as if time had been given wings of rosy red and shimmering gold, and for Ben he spent his days in a state of joy he had never felt before. He never stopped to question WHY he felt this much happiness, WHY his weekly class with Rey was something he looked forward too every moment of the week. Their “client/doula” relationship has blossomed and thrived. Rey was texting him constantly, sometimes to relate a funny pregnancy related incident, other times to send a pregnancy related meme or to make a witty remark on something he had sent. Her sense of humor was phenomenal and her quick little retorts had him rolling in stitches several times a week.

Other times their conversations were more serious. She would call him up in a slight panic about a pregnancy symptom, and he would rush to reassure and console her. Occasionally she would feel lonesome and blue, and would ask him wistfully if feeling like this was normal? And he would talk her through her emotions, not stopping until she was her usual bubbly, laughing, self.

The truth of the matter was that Ben Solo was absolutely, undoubtedly, irrevocably in LOVE with the pregnant Rey Johnson, and he was also one hundred thousand percent in denial about it.

Their classes were always filled with so much fun and laughter. Hux and Rose were delightful, they were so blessed to have Rey in their life and they knew it. They attended too and spoiled her, and Ben would look on as they lavished her with attention with a soft smile on his lips and adoring expression in his eye. 

Did Rey notice any of this? Was she beginning to feel the same way about Ben Solo? 

Ben refused to allow himself to dwell on thoughts like those. She obviously LIKED him, trusted him, was growing so close and dear to him, but he was HER DOULA and it was probably nothing more than a trustful friendship. And anyway THIS WAS WRONG TO THINK OF. So Ben lived in a state of ignorant bliss.

But every once in a while, a topic would come up in class, or Rey would ask a question that elicited a VERY unprofessional response in him, and had him kicking himself for the rest of the day and night.

Like when Rey had stuck around alone for a few minutes longer after their third class, and hastily question Ben in hushed tones “if it was normal for pregnancy to make a woman feel, well, um, ahem... AROUSED more often than usual?” And “would it be dangerous for the baby to use a vibrator?”

Ben was in the process of stacking the mats up in a shadowy corner of the studio, and he used that as an excuse to hide his flushed cheeks, quell the sudden gleam in his eye and slow his raging heart. 

Somehow, he had no idea how, he told her it was perfectly normal, and having an orgasm could even be a really good thing for the average pregnant woman with a low risk pregnancy. And let her know he would send her some articles later on, giving her all the evidence and info on how to safely navigate her desires. 

“Thank you SO MUCH,” Rey breathed confidentially, with a slightly embarrassed little smile. She reached out and placed her hand on Ben’s arm for a moment, before tripping away with an airy “good night!”. Was he imaging it, or did she actually CARESS his BICEP? 

Ben had to sit down.

Then there had been the problematic class in week 5. Ohhhhhhh week five. It started out innocently enough. Ben used charts, a slideshow and his medical fetus/pelvis/placenta model to describe and explain the process of birth. And how important relaxation of all the muscle groups in the body was for facilitating and speeding up the birthing process. Relaxation was key!

Towards the end of that class, there was a portion explaining the apparent relationship between the muscles of the vocal cords and throat with the muscles of the cervix and vagina. When a laboring woman was afraid, tense and clenching her throat, it was more likely her cervix would follow suit. But when she took deep belly breaths and relaxed, allowing her throat, tongue and mouth to be lax and supple, and let out low, deep moans or hums if it felt good, it would help facilitate dilation and the descending of the baby through the birth canal.

As Ben got to the line, “Remember, open and relaxed mouth, open and relaxed vagina,” he accidentally caught Rey’s twinkling eye, had a naughty unbidden thought, and promptly choked. 

Embarrassed, he excused himself to get a glass of water. Coming back, composed and serious, he continued the lesson; Rey now had to practice the technique of deep breathing while letting out soft, low moans that could be used during labor.

Very soon, Ben had to strategically place a cushion on his lap.

That evening he took a very long shower.

He was undeniably horrified with himself. 

***

“I don’t know how to put into words JUST HOW GRATEFUL we are to you Ben,” Rose was saying as the four stood in a group near the door after class one day. After their tenth and final childbirth lesson in fact. Ben struggled to smile and appear normal, but there was no doubt he was feeling depressed and low all day. Seeing Rey once every seven days was the highlight of his week. Having this happy chapter of life drawing to a close was chilling.

Rey was now in her 34th week, and whether she was becoming increasingly nervous about her impending birth, or for another reason, she was unusually quite too, and didn’t smile or joke half as much as before. She stood there silently to Ben’s left, and he was afraid to look at her, not wanting to give away his feelings by mistake. She was pregnant and hormonal, and no matter how Ben felt about her, how much he WANTED her, he absolutely could NOT act on it, could NOT pull her close, into a deep, wet kiss, and beg her to be his forever. So he stood there, nodding and smiling back as Rose and Hux gushed about their excitement and gratitude. 

Hux pumped Ben’s hand cordially up and down in both of his own, making plans to meet Ben at his gym in a few days to lift weights, and Rose reached across and gave him a big bear hug around his middle, commenting with humor on his size. She winked at Rey and smirked at her husband, “and he’s all muscle too!” They walked over to the door and held it open, glancing over expectantly at Rey. “Go ahead, I’ll follow in a min,” she said quietly. 

“Ok then Rey, good night! And goodbye Ben, we’ll all meet again in about 4-6 weeks!” Smilingly, they left in a glow of happiness and excitement. 

The door shut behind then, leaving Ben and Rey in silence. Not able to avoid looking at her any more, he turned to face her, his gaze lowering down to her pale face. To his surprise, a tear glistened on the brim of her lashes, threatening to fall. Instantly, his facade of rigid formality melted away, and he leaned down, one hand reaching out to lightly touch her above her elbow, the other wiping away the fallen tear. “Rey, what’s wrong?” His voice was deep and concerned, full of hidden feeling. Rey trembled visibly, and after holding his gaze for a few time-stopping moments, she lowered her gaze, faintly blushing. 

“Oh Ben.... I suppose I’m just... worried... about the birth... it’s... all so REAL now... and I’m.... sad... to have finished classes.... and I... I guess... I’ll miss YOU.... this!” 

Ben was leaning in, earnestly gazing at her face, hanging for dear life on every syllable.... could she be saying what he thought she might be saying, could she mean what he hoped against hope she meant? But even if she DID imagine herself to feel something for him, it could be largely attributed to her sensitive, lonely and hormonal state, and taking advantage of her at this phase of her life would be horrendous... cruel... monstrous. He could not do it. And it tortured him. 

He took a deep breath, struggling to regain his composure, to be her FRIEND, continuing in his deep, low tones, “Rey. Don’t worry Rey, it will be fine... and I’ll be with you every single step of the way. I promise. You aren’t losing me just because our classes are over! And every pregnant woman has these fears when she gets close to her due date, it’s completely normal. We could still meet up for a chat or a session whenever you want too! I’m here for you. You know that don’t you?” 

Rey, regaining some courage, looked back up into his eyes, nodding her head, soothed by his words and tone. Somehow, he didn’t know how, her left hand was held in his right, his left still lightly clasping her right arm, caressing soothing circles lightly onto her skin. 

Mesmerized, unable to think any more, Ben’s gaze lowered to her full, softly parted lips, and he began to lean down, ever so slightly, as she turned her face up towards his. But just at that interesting moment, the door connecting the studio to Ben’s office burst open, and out trotted Jannah, Ben’s new assistant, balancing a stack of papers in one hand and a tray laden with tea and biscuits for Ben in the other. 

Both startled, Ben straightened up while Rey jumped back with a start, pulling away her hand with pretty consciousness. Ben stood there, hand still outstretched, suddenly cold and missing the pressure of hers. Hurriedly saying goodbye, with one more hurried, secret, delightful glance at Ben, Rey was gone.

Ben, in a daze, took the tea away from Jannah, signed some forms, and sat down without hearing a single word she said. As she pulled on her jacket, waved to him and left for the night, Ben sat there, mute, in a trance. His tea soon was cold, and still Ben sat there, still as marble.

He realized something that night. Something that should have hit him at least two months ago. It hit him NOW, like a ton of bricks, and he was floored. 

He was in love with Rey, he was falling, falling, falling.... love was too weak a word for how Ben felt, and he was enjoying the absolute misery of such pleasurable clarity.

He had fallen in love and he could not get up.


	6. Deeply, Madly, Stupidly in Love

Ben didn’t get any sleep at all that night. And went around in a daze the next day. He had Jannah call his afternoon class to reschedule, taking a very rare “sick day”. He didn’t even open social media. He kept his phone near him with the ringer up on full volume, but thankfully he wasn’t disturbed by any urgent messages from his clients that day. The house was quiet, the early October morning was cool and crisp. After his phone call with Jannah, he went back into his bedroom, where birds chirped harmoniously on the branches of the tree outside of his opened window. He lay back down.

Curled up again in bed, he almost reeled at the amount of emotional pain he was in. He LOVED Rey, he LOVED HER. He WANTED HER, more than he’d ever wanted anything in his entire life. Long years of practical celibacy as he poured all of his heart and soul into work was taking its toll, and suddenly a beast inside him was awake, snarling and demanding. He wanted to be free from pain, yet he relished it, the pain of loving her. He wanted to hold her hand, to cook for her, to comb her hair; he wanted to draw her close to kiss her desperately and passionately on her pretty pink lips, while she moaned his name.... and then she was begging him to take her... so he did, fucking her into the mattress as she screamed out in ecstasy... 

Ben groaned long and loud, sitting up in bed suddenly with an impatient gesture, running his hands through his long hair, pulling it, almost gasping with the hurt. His sensitive and honest soul objected to this way of thinking about Rey. She was absolutely off limits to him. She was a pregnant client and she trusted him to be around her at her MOST VULNERABLE TIME, in all likelihood he would SEE HER NUDE when she was giving birth, and would most likely be helping her with breastfeeding and be showing her how to pump her first milk, as she had talked about making sure the baby got her colostrum at least before going onto formula... even though he respectfully would avoid looking directly AT anything, just as he always did with all of his other clients... so all in all, he considered even FANTASIZING about her now as despicable in him. He should not EVER do that again! 

And, honorable man that he was, he did not indulge in any flights of imaginary fantasy involving Rey anymore. For the next few days, whenever a flash of a thought would cross his mind he stifled it. Sometimes he would go for a run (he would usually go 2-3 times a week, now he has gone for four runs in the past three days.) Other times he would watch a comedy series on Netflix or read a book. But it was very difficult. 

He missed Rey, and the realization that there was no weekly class to look forward too was bumming him out. It may be weeks before he saw her again. 

The forth day after their last class and the dawning of Ben’s realization brought a change though. Ben was just getting ready to dismiss his private class, to a successful 40 year old single woman who had used a sperm bank to get pregnant 4 months ago. His phone rang... it was Rey. The woman knew Ben was always obligated to take calls from clients, so she smiled and waved goodbye to him, motioning to him to go take the call. Ben felt the adrenaline rush thorough his body as he stood up to walked to his inner office, pausing slightly before he entered to give a thumbs up and a wave to the client. As the door clicked shut behind him, Ben picked up.

“Hello Rey, is everything ok?” Ben struggled to keep his voice normal, but it still sounded strained.

“Hi Ben...” she sounded upset, “I... I’m fine I guess, at least baby is fine... I... I’m so sorry, I don’t really know why I’m calling you, but something just happened and everything is a disaster and I don’t know what to do....” 

Rey gave a small sniff, it sounded like she’d been crying. He could hear a bird chirping and the sound of traffic from the other line, indicating Rey was out of doors. Ben’s protective response to her kicked in and he was instantly attentive, ready to swim through shark infested waters for her, but as usual in a crisis, he became deadly calm and focused, “I’m glad you called me Rey, you sound very upset. Tell me what’s bothering you. I’ll help in any way I can!” 

Rey sounded relieved, “ohhh good, I didn’t want to overstep, but I didn’t know who else to call... I’m.... I’m being evicted. It’s not a money issue... it’s hard to explain over the phone. But I don’t know what to do now, Hux and Rose just got on a plane two hours ago for their anniversary trip and I don’t know anyone else in the city but you and your sister...”

“Meet me Rey, so we can talk. I‘m at the studio now, will you be able to come to me?”

“No,” Rey said mournfully, “I’m standing outside my student housing at Millennium trying to figure out how to fit 3 suitcases into my Cooper.”

“Ok Rey, listen to me; leave the suitcases where they are on the floor by the car, I don’t want you to life anything heavy, all right? It’s cold out, so sit in your car with the heater on and send me your location, and I’ll be with you in ten minutes. Do you have a jacket on?”

“Yes Ben, I do.” Rey answered him gratefully. He heard a car door open and then close. “I’m in the car. Oh Ben, words can’t describe how much I appreciate...”

“Don’t mention it Rey, I’m coming. I’m in my car, I need you to hang up now and send me your location.” 

“Ok Ben.... good bye.” she breathed out before hanging up. Within thirty seconds Ben had the location, and he was off immediately.

Nine and a half minutes later, Ben was drawing towards then destination point, and he spotted Rey’s Mini parked in front of a row of tiny student apartments, the kind usually rented by the more affluent students or single university staff members. The units were larger, more private and comfortable than a typical dorm room, although still tiny. As he pulled up next to her he saw her smiling from ear to ear through the car window. He jumped out of his car, reaching her door right when she was starting to open it, and helped her squeeze out, her massive 8 month pregnant belly heavy in front of her. 

“Ben, oh Ben, thank you so much for coming, I’m so embarrassed...” Rey started. “Nonsense Rey! I told you I’m here for you.” Although his eyes were alight with a glow of pleasure at the sight of her, his brow was still furrowed with anger at her predicament. “What happened Rey?” Privately, he was wondering who he would have to talk some sense into, and who in their right mind would evict a woman in her last trimester?! 

“It seems it was no ones fault really, but such a dreadful mix up! Oh Ben it’s a nightmare. When I first moved up here I was placed temporarily into one of the older units, with the understanding that I would be moved into the upgraded apartment at the end of September. We arranged this MONTHS ago, before I even started attending classes... oh, thank you!” she paused to take a long drink from the bottled water Ben had handed to her, before continuing. “So finally, they called and informed me that the apartment was ready, I guess that was on the first of October, which was just four days ago wasn’t it? Rose and Hux helped me move my scanty possessions over, which was easy, since all of my furniture and knick knacks are safe back at my late parents house in Utah. I just have some clothes, my books and toiletries and things with me here. Anyway, I didn’t even have a chance to unpack yet, except for the things I’ve been using the past two days.... which was lucky I guess...” 

“But why are they evicting you?” Ben asked in his dangerously calm tone. Ben heard Rey’s barely audible intake of breath, and her eyes flashed up at him with something... admiration? Desire? The look was gone before he could tell, and she was finishing her tale. “Well, an hour ago I got a knock on the door. It was the manager of student housing... and long story short, apparently because I chose NOT to take classes this semester, the system automatically took my name off the housing roster, even though I was ASSURED I could still live here as a registered student with no problems. I just would have to pay a higher rent, which I was fine with, my parents left me with enough to live comfortably for now, and Rose and Hux are insisting on buying all my groceries and necessities anyway. But SOMEHOW, my name was removed from the list, and my room was booked in the system by another student, who is arriving in an hour. They reimbursed my deposit and offered to give me a huge discount on housing when I come back in a few months. But right NOW, every single housing unit is full, they only have a shared dorm room available, and there is one bathroom to be shared between every four girls. It’s a nightmare.”

Ben was listening in dismay, he was outraged on Rey’s behalf. How incompetent could they get?? And what would Rey do? He looked at her and noticed she was swaying from foot to foot. “Rey you look exhausted and cold... come with me, I’m taking you to get something to eat, and then we’ll talk about what is to be done.” Rey allowed herself to be led to the passenger seat of Ben’s car, and smiled at him gratefully as he removed his jacket and tucked it around her. He then lifted up her suitcases with ease, loading them after a lot of ingenuity into her tiny car. Once her car was packed, he locked the door, and, sitting down next to Rey in his own car, they drove off.

Rey thanked him once more, drowsy and comfortable. She switched on the radio to the “90s Hits” station and fell into a light sleep after her taxing day. Ben was blissful, thankful to be the one she had turned too for help.

When they got to “Finn’s“, Rey woke up, and Ben ushered her inside, helping her into a cozy booth. Suddenly shy, she insisted that Ben order for her, “something healthy for the baby”, and after a quick back and forth, he chose the lemon pepper grilled chicken with vegetables, and a quinoa and kale tabbouleh salad with pomegranate dressing for the both of them, reminding her that she should be getting at least 8-10 grams of protein a day to avoid preeclampsia. 

They didn’t talk much while they waited for their food; Rey was apparently shy and Ben was too worried that he would say or do something to show Rey how he really felt about her to act natural, and hence they spent a quarter of an hour in rather awkward silence. But finally the food did arrive, and Rey discovered that she was ravenous. They both ate, and soon they both mellowed out and things started to feel more natural between them. 

Rey told Ben some more of her story, little anecdotes about her childhood, her traumatic memories of life in the orphanage before she was adopted, then funny stories of adventures between her, Rose and Hux as children. She told them about their wedding, which she attended as the only bridesmaid. How she got drunk for the first and last time, toasting to the bride and groom. 

Ben reached over to put his hand over hers when she talked of past sorrows, and laughed with her until his sides ached at the hilarious pictures she painted with her words, until finally, sated and relaxed, they turned their attention back to Rey’s problem.

“So I suppose you will be going to stay with Hux and Rose until you find your own place Rey, right?” Ben asked her, but Rey shook her head sadly, her lower lip pouting again. “Why do you shake your head? You can’t possibly be thinking of staying in the shared dorm in your condition. I mean, the bathroom situation alone is unacceptable...” 

“Rose and Hux will be gone till the end of next week, they wanted to take this time to have a baby moon before the actual baby comes... and really, it would be very difficult for me to stay with them. They currently own a tiny one bedroom house, and they are actually converting their walk in closet into a temporary nursery while they house hunt for something bigger. If I stay with them I’ll be on the couch... or even worse, they will give up their bed to me and sleep on the floor; and, let’s face it, that would be uncomfortable even if I WASN’T pregnant. Plus, since they are trying to sell their house, there are people coming in and out all the time for viewings, and they have to keep it in pristine condition. It’s just not feasible Ben.” 

“So what’s your plan Rey?” Ben asked in a very low voice. He was in the verge of doing something insanely stupid, absolutely bonkers, if her answer wasn’t satisfactory to him. 

She sighed, answering slowly, “Welllll.... I guess I’m going to be staying in a motel for a while. I didn’t even have a chance to look, but I know there’s a Holiday Inn Express practically across the street from First Order Hospital... perhaps you could drive me there?”

That settled it. Ben would not stand for it. Rey was not going to be forced to live in a hotel room during the last remaining weeks of her pregnancy! It was outrageous. No, he had a spare room, and she would live with HIM. He looked up at her, determinedly calm, “Rey, you know you can’t stay in a hotel. It would be very stressful and uncomfortable for you. But I think I have a solution...” he hesitated, then spoke fast, “It’s a bit unconventional, but I hope you would agree with me it’s the best thing you could do, under the circumstances.” He paused again, unsure.

“Out with it Ben.” Rey gently prodded, and it looked like she was breathing a little faster than normal.

“Well... I have a spare room.”

***

Ben could hardly believe what was happening right now. Rey had officially moved in, agreeing to be his room mate until after the birth. She had agreed to his idea surprisingly quickly, having no scruples on her own behalf, apparently just worried it would be a burden and inconvenience to HIM, which he dismissed with gusto. Then they had a long drawn out battle on the rent due, Rey offering the price of the student housing rent, and afraid it was too little, and Ben almost downright refusing to accept anything. Finally, they had settled it to Rey’s satisfaction, if not to Ben’s, when she insisted she would not agree to pay anything less than the price of the shared dorm room she had turned down at least.

Content and happy in each other’s company now with all reserve done away with between them, Ben drove her to his home... THEIR home. In a state of a giddy stupor almost, he gave her a little tour, and then showed her into the guest room, which had its own private bathroom, now her own.

Leaving her then to settle down, he took a taxi back to Millennium to pick up and bring over her car and belongings. 

On his way back to the house, a client called to inform him that she was in hard and fast labor, and was on her way to the hospital. Ben hastily carried Rey’s luggage into the house for her, changed into his scrubs, grabbed his doula bag and left with a good bye.

Oh Ben, oh Ben... what in the galaxy have you done now?


	7. You’re My Everything... Except My Lover.

Ben didn’t get back home until almost 9 am the next morning, leaving Rey alone for the first night in their now shared home. After some reflection, he decided it was for the best and was glad it had worked out this way, so Rey would have some time to unwind alone and make the place feel like home for a bit before having to deal with his constant presence. Then again, it wasn’t like he spent that much time at home, what classes at the studio, calls to the hospital at any hour of the day or night, occasional visits to the gym, plus time spent visiting Kay, Poe, Uncle Luke and even his parents (whenever they happened to be in town). He mused to himself that he should probably fix that, and spend more time than usual at home, as he wouldn’t want Rey to be LONELY. 

That reminded him, he probably should call Kay and let her know what was going on. He usually saw her once or twice a week and they sent texts back and forth between visits, but he had been unusually tight lipped about Rey after his first few times meeting her. Kay noticed enough to be suspicious, but wisely didn’t say anything, knowing her brother would talk to her in his own time if there was anything to tell. Exhausted, he turned his sturdy and dependable old Camry onto his street, excited at prospect of seeing Rey in the course of the day, wondering if she was an early riser? Then he saw something and groaned. Kaydel’s car was parked in the drive way, taking up his parking spot, right next to the mini. She must be inside.

Sheepishly, he parked on the curbside and unlocked the front door, knocking first to let them know he was home. “Uncle Ben! Poe called out, hurling himself full speed at his mountain of an uncle. “Whoooooooo there, hey it’s my BUDDY!” Ben laughed, dropping his doula bag by the door to pick up the squirming child and toss him in the air a few times, as Poe squealed with glee. A delicious buttery smell was wafting through the air. Shifting Poe and settling him snugly on his left arm, Ben looked through the living room into the kitchen, where an absolute picture waited for him. 

Rey was wearing a very oversized navy blue button up flannel nightshirt, and her hair was half up, the waving profusion held back by a blue butterfly clip. She was barefoot and bare legged, as he noticed soon, determined however not to look. She was making pancakes at the little stove, stopping to look over her shoulder when Ben walked in, smiling with an almost hungry expression in her eyes as she watched the exchange between him and his nephew. Kay had been talking gaily with her, perched happily at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee and plate stacked high with pancakes. He guessed by their expressions they had been talking about him.

“Good morning!” Ben was smiling with secret delight, to see his two favorite people in the whole world hitting it off so comfortably in his own home. What a scene to come back too! What heaven! He knew he’d done right by bringing Rey home. As he leaned down to hug his sister and plant a kiss on her cheek, she gave him an arch look of laughing accusation, but said nothing of her suspicions, besides teasing, “Imagine my surprise this morning Ben, when I dropped by to find Rey opening the door in her nightshirt.” Ben smiled sheepishly at the idea of what she probably had thought, while Rey let out an involuntary little laugh, before turning back to her pancakes to hide her suddenly flushed face. Facing away from them both, she hastened to speak up, “I quickly explained why I was here, and told her how you had saved me from my predicament like a true knight in shining armor.” Turning to Kaydel she continued, with a half glance in Ben’s direction, “Your brother is really something special.”

“You bet he is!” Kay gushed out in honest admiration and praise. Looking at Ben, Kay continued, “I came by Benny to drop off some Tupperware of things I cooked for you (they’re in the fridge by the way) and stayed to have a nice pleasant chat. I’ve been telling Rey here all about your journey to becoming a doula... my own part of the story I mean, how much you supported me and helped me when I didn’t know where to turn.” Her eyes glazed over with grateful tears and she smiled lovingly at her brother. Turning back to Rey, “They don’t make them like Ben very often. He’s an absolute Gem among men.” 

Ben smiled, looking down, slightly embarrassed but gratified. Rey had finished her cooking and had served both Ben and herself up a hot plate, settling down to eat. While they were eating, Rey asked him how the birth had gone, and he told them what he was able to say about it, without giving away any confidential details; it had been a surprise breach and the mother had been on the verge of signing for a cesarean, but the baby had other plans and was born before the doctor could run the consent forms over. As Ben talked, Kaydel rose to confiscate Poe from her brother’s arms, and coaxed him to eat some breakfast, then, finishing her own last bite of pancake, she informed them she was running late and had to run. 

Poe had run around to give Rey a sticky kiss before he left. They had become fast friends ever since Rey dug out the plastic storage box of toys from behind the couch, where Ben had put it when handing over the room to Rey’s use. 

When Rey and Ben were finally alone in the kitchen, it should have felt awkward, but it didn’t... it felt so RIGHT. Rey ate her pancakes with relish, sipping her one small cup of morning coffee slowly, while rubbing her rounded belly, and Ben watched with delight as she pushed rogue curls out of the way that were trying to stick themselves onto her syrupy lips. They chatted lightly about the day and the weather, until finally a sleep-derived Ben tore himself away. He needed to go try to get at least 4 hours of sleep before his afternoon group class, and he hadn’t sent out his usual daily 5 minute social media video for the past three days now. He hadn’t even decided what any of this week’s topics would be in fact, and needed to plan that out tonight. But meanwhile, unable to keep his eyes open, and knowing that Rey was safe, sound and near by, he fell into a deep, happy, relaxing sleep. 

***

Things soon fell into a pleasant routine. 

Every morning, at 7 am on the dot, Ben would hear the noises of Rey getting up and waddling to her bathroom. That was his cue to get up himself, and he would brew a pot of coffee (TWO cups instead of the usual one) before going to his own bathroom. He would soon hear Rey patter off into the kitchen, and he would join her, watching as she ate a single saltine cracker to check her “nausea level”, and usually within moments of swallowing the last bite, she would run onto the bathroom to vomit.

After brushing her teeth, she would then come back into the kitchen and join Ben for a light breakfast, which she was now oddly enough able to keep down. Usually it was cereal or yogurts with fruit; on Saturdays he would make his famous spinach and feta omelette and on Sundays Kay and Poe would come over to join them for breakfast, helping Rey make pancakes. Ben always reminded Rey to have a few date fruit, as they were shown in multiple studies to contain a substance mimicking oxytocin, and eating several dates daily during the last trimester was shown to help a pregnant woman avoid preterm labor and have a shorter, easier birth. Rey didn’t really like them very much, but she obediently chewed a few down every morning, for the sake Ben... and the baby, of course. 

Ben would then go back to his room to work on his social media posts, while Rey would read a book (sometimes a student midwifery book, other times something lighter, like a novel). Every once in a while Ben would come out and ask Rey for her opinion on his daily topics. When he was done with computer work, he would tell Rey goodbye for the rest of the afternoon, leaving for the studio; she would get ready to take her afternoon nap. 

While he was gone, Rey would sometimes go out shopping, or else would make messes in the kitchen, watch TV, or would practice her crochet. “I’ve never tried making anything like this before,” Rey joked with him about it, “I’m not very good, and I’m sure I’ve made a TON of mistakes... but I’m a fast learner, and I really, REALLY want to make a keepsake for baby to remember me by. I mean, I’m going to be it’s FAVORITE auntie for sure, but I still want to give the baby something from it’s birth mother, even if we are technically unrelated. I never had anything from MY birth mother. So I’m determined to finish!” It was a dear little blanket, done in many shades of grey, and she had already made two dozen tiny yellow crocheted stars to sew onto the finished piece. Rose and Hux had settled on an elegant neutral galaxy theme for their teeny tiny nursery.

Rose and Hux had come back from their vacation very surprised indeed by how matters now stood. But they soon came to think of it as the most desirable thing in the world, to have their baby’s surrogate mother living with a licensed nurse and certified childbirth expert. If ROSE ever joked with Rey about ulterior motives or hot roommates, she never let on to Ben. The sweet couple would stop by for a visit every few days, sometimes having lunch with Rey when Ben was out, other times spending an evening with the both of them.

But it was during those quiet evenings with just the two of them, when Ben would arrive home to a brightly lit, cozy house after a long day of work when he enjoyed his time with Rey the most. The two of them would go for a long walk together for Rey’s benefit (Ben giving up his runs to join her) and they chatted and laughed the whole time. Rey would always insist upon walking rather longer and farther away than Ben thought would be comfortable for her, and inevitably on the way back she would be so tired she would gladly lace her arm through Ben’s and lean on him heavily all the way home. By now Rey was well acquainted with Ben’s life story and had even met Han. The two of them had hit it off instantly, as Ben noticed with satisfaction.

When they got home, Rey would take a long bath for relaxation, while Ben would take a quick shower and prepare dinner. They would eat in front of the TV, quietly watching reruns of FRIENDS or The Office in sweet companionship, after which Ben’s absolute FAVORITE part of the evening would begin. Rey would go slip into her high necked sports bra with the open back and come sit on the couch cross legged in front of Ben, who would give her a back and neck massage while she practiced her deep relaxation and listened to her 90’s play list. 

This holy ritual started 5 days after Rey had moved in. She hadn’t been sleeping comfortably lately as her stomach grew heavier and moving was more difficult, and even the walk and warm bath had not helped her muscle aches. Ben, recently receiving his certification as a licensed prenatal masseur, offered to help her out. It was for his own practice and benefit as well as her own he reasoned with her, finally overcoming her scruples at not wanting to be an annoyance or a burden.

Rey was in soon soaring in absolute heaven, and so, it must be said, was Ben. 

To be invited to touch her so intimately, to be allowed to sooth her body with his hands, was an unlooked for blessing and joy. The massages were not romantic for him, he remained quiet and professional the whole time, only becoming slightly discomposed when she would lean back eagerly into his hands as he hit “just the right spot”, or when she would forget herself, moaning out with deep contentment. 

But as Rey could not see his face, she remained apparently unaware at her occasional effect on him, and as for Ben’s other rather LARGE problem, it was nothing that a strategically placed pillow couldn’t hide. 

As day passed into day, and week blended into blissful week, it began to feel as if they had always known each other and lived together, had always been a sympathetic team. Both Ben and Rey were friendly, courteous, obliging, gentle; they were everything to each other EXCEPT acknowledged lovers. Ben was strict with himself, and kept his romantic feelings for her in tight check, refusing to do or say anything that might possibly cause her a moment of discomfort or uneasiness. He wasn’t quite sure how Rey felt about HIM. He knew she LIKED him, very much... she treated him with a frank camaraderie and confidence that struck him with searing delight. She certainly looked at him a great deal, her glance betraying her satisfaction and contentment with his presence. But he refused to read too much into it. 

You see, Ben, as a sensitive, very tall, rather muscular, handsome and sexy guy, (laughably oblivious to his own charms, I might add), who worked with hundreds of emotional, hormonal single women every year, was no stranger to the transient, imaginary feelings he sometimes created in his often TOO vulnerable clientele. He had not infrequently become aware of his effect on some of the pregnant and laboring women, and he may be excused for thinking it was a very common occurrence in general, that the vulnerability of being alone during a pregnancy would influence a women to express much more admiration and desire for a man than she would otherwise normally have felt. He chalked up the occasional advances some of his clients made towards him as something reactionary and biological, not imagining there was anything special enough about him to justify their emotions. He would instantly quell these advances with kind but reserved professionalism, and that, he thought, was that. 

Because of all this, he was wary about Rey, not wanting to take any advantage over her, vulnerable, alone and practically at his mercy, living in his own home; and, even if she WERE to make any obvious advances towards him, he swore he would not reciprocate them, unless and until she was through with her pregnancy, and back to her usual self. If she DID have REAL feelings for him, which lasted and did not fade when the oxytocin rush was gone... well, he dared not dwell on that picture for long, which sent waves of desperate, primal, animalistic desire crashing over him.


	8. It’s All For You

Slowly but surely, Rey inched towards her due date, and grew more obviously restless as the days moved forward. Unlike MOST pregnant women, she didn’t WANT the big day to come any faster. She mentioned this to Ben several times, without telling him WHY she felt that way. He assumed she was nervous about the birth, as well as maybe feeling sad at the thought of handing the baby over to it’s parents. But Rey never gave him any indication that this was the case, or showed any regret at her decision to be a surrogate for her friends’ baby. 

Because Rey was a surrogate, there were some legalities involved, preventing her from having the baby at home or in a birthing center, forcing her to deliver in a hospital under a licensed obstetric surgeon in case of any complications, even though Rey’s entire pregnancy had gone perfectly smoothly. She was a bit disappointed in that, initially having hoped to give birth under the care of a midwife in Amilyn’s Birth Center where Ben preferred to work with his clients.

But Ben reassured her that First Order Hospital had some natural birth and doula friendly doctors amongst their staff. Two of his favorites were Dr Lando Calrisian, and Dr Kenneth Obi.

Dr Calrisian was a smooth, old school kind of a doctor, who would take the time to sit and have long discussions with his patients to fully understand their symptoms, and he cared deeply about them, wanting their experiences with him to be satisfactory. He respected a birth plan and would do his best to make sure the mother’s wishes were met with when possible.

Dr. Obi was a handsome, sparkly eyed, cheerful man, with a sense of humor and a British accent. He never forgot a patient, and was extremely relaxed and chill with his laboring mothers. Without fail, he would greet new clients with the line, “Hello there! I’m Dr. Kenneth Obi and I’d like to be your OB! With a name like THIS, I didn’t have much choice did I?”

Rey was equally accepting of either; as long as she had Ben with her, she told him, she didn’t much care who her doctor was. Ben felt a glow of pride when he heard her say this. 

Once Rey had reached the end of her 37th week, Ben insisted that she should pack her hospital bag, and he helped her to make sure it got done. He had reminded her many times to pack it since she’d moved in, but Rey would always give him a little pout and say, “later.” Finally, he practically dragged her into her bedroom to get started. 

As Rose was preparing the baby’s bag, Rey only had to focus on her own personal items. Ben advised her to pack a few comfortable pajamas, mainly nightgowns and nightshirts, some disposable mesh panties and extra large pads, and several comfortable bras with disposable breast pads. “Ugh,” Rey huffed in annoyance, packing up a large maternity nighty and pair of mesh panties with a look of disgust. “I’m going to be hideous in these contraptions. And I don’t know if any of my bras will fit me by then if I continue to grow at this rate. I’ve gone up three cup sizes already Ben, is that normal?!?” Rey was pouting again, looking over at him on the other side of the bed, one hand now resting on her heavy belly and the other supporting her back. Ben stiffened slightly at this direct attack on his sanity, his chest rising and falling rapidly as his heart rate quickened, but he assured her that this was indeed normal, and to be expected, as the breast tissue prepared itself for milk production. 

“But how long will it take for my milk to dry up after, if I only pump for the first couple of days for the colostrum?” Rey queried, staring expectantly, round eyed, into Ben’s face, and he hoped his ears weren’t turning red. “And will my breasts ever go back to what they were before? Or will they stay like this forever?”

Stuttering only the tiniest bit, Ben answered her questions the best he could, “Wellllllll, every woman will be different, but it could take days or it could take weeks for milk production to stop completely. As long as there is no... suction, or stimulation of the.. of the nipples, it should naturally stop over time. And it’s hard to answer your second question. Again... no two women are the same. Some notice no difference in... in breast size or... firmness, after birth; others find themselves smaller, and some larger than before....”

Ben felt his voice fading away as his mouth began to go dry, and his eyes involuntarily drifted down to Rey’s breasts, completely of their own accord. It was a huge mistake, because she was obviously not wearing a bra, and her large swollen breasts and perky nipples were peeking through the thin material of her t-shirt tantalizingly. And worst of all, Rey KNEW he looked, caught him looking, and he felt himself blushing for real at that moment as his eyes snapped up. She was looking at him smugly, as he stammered out, “We’ll just have to wait and see... I mean, YOU’LL have to wait and see what ends up happening for you.... ok then! seems you’ve got this! I think I hear my phone ringing...” and he ran out of there.

The next morning, Ben found Rey’s hospital bag packed and ready by the front door. 

***

A few days after the memorable bra discussion, Ben happened to come home early and unexpectedly around lunch time. Two of his back to back private clients had cancelled classes for various reasons, and he decided to surprise Rey with some take out. Noticing Rose’s car in the driveway, he parked across the street on the curbside. 

When he got up to the door he noticed it was slightly ajar, and, overcome with worry, he rushed in without knocking first. 

Through Rey’s open bedroom door, he heard snippets of an earnest conversation between Rose and Rey. 

“...sure it’s just because of the job.” he heard Rose say, then her voice lowered and he couldn’t hear anything except the end of her sentence, “.... way he looks at you.”

Next Rey let out a huge sigh, and moaned out, “I’m just huge and fat and pregnant and no man who sees me like this will EVER think of me that way again.” 

“Nooooooo honey!” Rose was saying, while Ben, embarrassed at his accidental eavesdropping, knocked loudly and called out, “Rey, I’m home!”

He heard the women gasp, and both soon peaked out the door at him, wondering if he had heard anything, before walking into the living room. Ben invited Rose to stay and have lunch with them, but she just glanced at Rey and said she had some errands, and walked out with quick goodbyes. 

Rey had been looking at the ground, her head turned slightly to one side, showing a distractingly kissable length of her neck, and Ben noticed she was pouting a bit, obviously something bothering her. He wondered about what he had overheard. Perhaps someone had made her feel bad during a shopping trip? His heart went icy as he wondered if she had a crush on someone that he didn’t know about. The beast inside him lifted its head and growled. But he WOULD NOT get distracted. Rey was hurting and he needed to reassure her how beautiful she was, inside and out. 

“Rey,” he started, looking at her with his expressive eyes. She looked up at him, half defiantly, half with an indecipherable look, akin to yearning. He just HAD TO help her regain her confidence in her body image, it wasn’t wrong in him to praise her a little with that goal in mind. So he continued, “Rey, when I first walked in, I heard a little of what you were saying...” Rey had started a bit, and was blushing as she looked at him, before looking down again. “Rey, I heard you say some things about yourself that just weren’t true. Whoever it was who insulted you or made you feel bad, just know they aren’t worth it. Because you are breathtakingly gorgeous, in body, mind and spirit. You are feminine, womanly, desirable. The beautiful thing you are doing for your friends, growing a life inside you when they cannot do it themselves... Rey, it sets you so far up high above us mere mortals, we have no choice but to look at you with awe and reverence.” Ben’s voice was eager, low and sincere. 

Rey’s sloped shoulders perked up slowly as she listened to him, and soon she was smiling and blushing a pretty rosey pink, shooting him a questioning glance before rolling her eyes laughingly at him. She then stood up, hesitated, and then waddled over to him, giving him a quick hug, whispering “thank you!” into his ear. She then pulled away, once more her cheerful and bubbly self, and began to pull the food out of the take out bags, piling it between them. They had a merry meal that afternoon. 

***

Rey had officially reached and passed her November 12 “due date” with no signs that labor was any closer. Ben reminded Rey time and time again that a due date was simply an average, an estimate in set in the middle of a four week window. But after the first time, he never again explained to her that many pregnancies end up lasting up to 41-42 weeks, especially for first time mothers. She had a fit of crying after hearing that, and it took her a while to regain calm. 

The past week had caused a huge change in Rey. She was constantly HOT, always EXHAUSTED, spent her entire day it seemed in the bathroom peeing, and could NOT get comfortable.... she was MISERABLE. The heart burn alone was complete torture. Not even Ben’s massages worked for very long, he noticed in dismay. 

She was no longer her perky, industrious, happy little self either. She snapped at Rose and Hux, groaned all day about her aches and pains, even cried whenever Ben had to leave the house. Growing desperate to ease her pain, he suggested she start coming with him to the studio to sit in with his group classes, in an effort to distract her. She grumbled about being too pregnant to be leaving the house, but she went with him anyway, because, “It‘s better to go and be near YOU than to stay home alone.” After a moment, she added, “because I don’t want to go into labor when I’m by myself.” Ben became more attentive to her than usual after that explanation. 

But bringing her to classes that week caused a new set of problems for him and Rey. She would sit there, quietly, eyeing the young single women, many of them in the beginning or middle stages of their pregnancies, with cute little baby bumps and trim figures. They made her feel huge and clumsy. She watched them with narrowed eyes anytime one of them would joke or flirt with Ben in the class, obviously fuming. Even a friendly smile and handshake was treated as an unpardonable offense; and Ben, though gratified at her apparent jealousy over him, did not WANT her to feel that emotion, because the most ridiculous thing imaginable to him was the idea of thinking of any woman besides Rey. But of course, as nothing was spoken of between them, and Ben could NOT have that discussion with Rey while she was his pregnant client, he wasn’t even always one hundred percent sure how much she DID care for him, or if any possible jealousy she was feeling was INDEED on his behalf. So he suffered in silence, and so did she, but he tried to make it up to her afterwards by taking her for a walk in her favorite park, or going to the mall with her to get ice cream. 

And so the long, uncomfortable days dragged on.... and on. AND ON. 

Ben was thankful that all three of his other November clients had given birth already. One mom, who had three older children, was three weeks early, giving birth on Halloween, much to her kids’ dismay. The other two clients had also been early, one going in for an elective cesarean in her 38th week due to a late complication, and the other, his pro-bono case, had a completely natural, super fast birth, exactly on her estimated due date; only 3 hours and 23 minutes from her first contraction to baby in her arms. She’d nearly given birth in the car, be Ben had barely arrived in time for the birth. 

Ben purposely did not schedule any births in the month of December this year. It was the first time in three years that he was taking a whole month off from births. His family members were all thrilled, as every holiday season without fail he had been called away in the middle of a family party, once within half an hour of his arrival. Rey was thoughtful the entire day after hearing him mention it, smiling a serious, little secret smile and avoiding his eye.

Did Rey have any impact on his decision to take a much needed doula break? Was it his intention to take that time off to focus solely on Rey, to be with her, to support her and help her through the inevitable period of grief that would undoubtably follow the heartbreakingly happy occasion of the birth, when she would hand the baby over to its rightful parents? 

Yes, yes it was all for her. And he could not be sure, would never have any reason to feel completely secure in his cherished and secret hopes, that when enough time had passed, and she was herself once more, that they would come together in blissful and heavenly union.


	9. Labor of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW, descriptions of labor and natural birth.
> 
> This chapter is a bit longer than most, but I thought it would be better to keep it one longer chapter than to split it up. Enjoy!

On the morning of the eighteenth of November, 6 days past Rey’s due date, a focused Ben was sitting quietly at the desk in his room, finalizing the editing on a whole series of his social media recordings, preparing over a week’s worth of topics in advance. He figured it would be a great way to get him out of Rey’s hair and pass the time, and let’s face it, he was getting antsy, sitting there and waiting for something to happen all the time. He’d never felt quite like this before in all of his time as a doula, not even with Kay. So he decided to just gonna ahead and do something productive.

“Ben...?” Rey’s quiet voice broke out softly through the stillness. She’d been so quiet he hadn’t heard her come in. He immediately stopped what he was doing and turned around, giving her his full attention. “What is it sunshine?” 

Rey smiled a little at the name he gave her. She adored her new nickname, and remembering the event that had started it was a little bit of a joke between them now. Rather late on that fateful night, Rey had been craving pizza, specifically that one REALLY GOOD, greasy, deep dish pizza, from Finn’s, with ALL the toppings and EXTRA pineapple. She had called ahead to order it before they closed, while Ben obligingly drove down to pick it up. Finn himself, who was now a great friend of Rey’s, kept the restaurant open for ten minutes after closing time especially for her. But, disaster soon struck, for woe upon woe, when a salivating Rey pulled the box open, there was not a single solitary chunk of pineapple to be seen ANYWHERE on this much craved pizza. Rey was devastated. She cried and cried, while a wild Ben beat himself up for not checking inside the box before leaving the place. In a desperate attempt to cheer her up, he’d held her against his chest and began to sing little Poe’s favorite lullaby, “You are my Sunshine,” in his deep, harmonious voice. Rey was soon soothed and was smiling through her tears, and Ben had called sunshine ever since.

“What is it sunshine?” Ben noticed her smile at the name, and it made his heart glow with sweet pleasure to see it. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine Benny.” (Rey had began to mimic Kaydel, no one knew how, and Ben was not one to object). “I just have so much lower back pain, and I was wondering... if you’re not busy.... maybe... you could...”

“Give you a massage?” Ben teased with a wide smile, “I’ll go get the oil.” He grabbed the lavender scented baby oil, a large fluffy towel and sat down on the living room couch as Rey settled herself in front of him, wearing only her cotton pajama bottoms and one of the only sport bras that still fit.

Ben began to massage gently into her lower back muscles, but within minutes Rey had groaned in pain, leaning forward and clenching her hands together, while Ben, now attentive, watched her shrewdly. With his trained eye, he noticed her entire abdomen had tensed up. He counted to 30, and watched as Rey took a sigh of relief before sitting back up. 

“Has your back been hurting like this for long?” Ben queried nonchalantly. Not looking much into his question, Rey answered him, “It’s been sore off and on all day. I‘ll be fine, and then suddenly the muscles spasm... that was definitely the worst one though. Is it a sign of something wrong??” 

Ignoring the last part, Ben continued, “do you notice any discomfort or pains in your lower abdomen?” 

“Not really,” Rey answered. “Wait... oh my God, do you think that was a contraction?”

“It seems like it could be sunshine. You may be in early labor. But it’s too soon to tell.”

“But why am I getting contractions in my back?” Rey was skeptical.

“Well, in early labor, for some women that’s how it begins. Remember our classes though, don’t get too excited, you should go about your normal routine and wait and see if they pick up pace and get stronger and closer together, or else fade away.” Ben explained.

“I know, I know, and if they are practice contractions they still help bring labor that much closer by preparing the uterus, blah blah. Oh Ben, I hope it’s finally time! But I’m scared.” Rey looked at him with large, troubled eyes, and Ben gently pulled her closer to him, giving her a careful hug. She then adjusted herself at his side, with pillows supporting her all around, leaning her head into his broad shoulder and slipping her arm around his, as he massaged her hands and fingers. 

This constant push for physical closeness between them had come along so naturally they hardly noticed there was anything unusual in it. There was nothing overtly sexual about it, right now it was all just sweetness, compassion, contentment.

About 15 minutes later, Rey had another “back episode”, and again in 18 minutes, then again in 16. This continued for an hour or so. Eventually the mild contractions slowed down again, but were still occurring every 20-30 minutes. It was possible that it really WAS almost time. 

***

By the evening, Rey’s contractions had grown more intense (like strong period cramps, she said), lasting at least a minute each, and coming pretty consistently every 20 minutes. Ben made sure she ate as much as she could, stayed hydrated, and insisted she tried to sleep, to get as much rest as she could before that wasn’t possible anymore. 

Rey tried to go lay down, but after fifteen minutes she got up again, complaining she was too nervous to be alone; and Ben ended up laying down next to her, lightly dozing between her contractions, holding her hand with gentle pressure during them. 

Somehow, eventually, Rey ended up falling asleep, able to ignore the low intensity contractions enough to get a few hours of well needed rest. At peace by her side, Ben fell into a deep sleep as well. 

Sometime around 2 am, Ben woke up to Rey’s moans of pain. She had been sitting up in bed for about half an hour, unwilling to wake up a slightly snoring Ben Solo, whose hand was still resting against her side from when he’d been holding hers. Blinking awake, he sat up immediately, watching her as she leaned forward, deep breathing and lightly moaning, cross legged on the bed. When it was over, Ben looked at her reproachfully, and asked her gently, “Why didn’t you wake me?” 

“I haven’t been awake for very long; a contraction woke me up. They’ve been coming every ten minutes, and although they’re strong, they’re still very bearable. I’ve had three so far.” She looked relatively calm and in control, focused. Ben had taught her well. 

Soon, tired of sitting, Rey stood up and began to slowly pace the floor, stopping every ten minutes to breathe deeply through a contraction. Ben let her take the lead. Lower back pressure or massage did nothing to help ease her, but leaning forward slightly during each contraction did, and she would stand in front of Ben during each one, as he supported her with his strong arms. 

After an hour of pacing, Rey sat down on the exercise ball with Ben at her feet, making sure she took a bite of a date fruit or a sip of water ever so often. He also reminded her to go to the bathroom regularly, as a full bladder could slow down the descent of the baby. By 5 am, the contractions were much stronger, coming along every 7 minutes, and Rey was unable to talk through them. 

Ben had started to feel rather nervous, an emotion that had never plagued him before, even when it had been his own sister in labor. He felt much more like an anxious lover than a patient doula, and it took some effort from him to continue to exude his calm, patient, professional demeanor. 

Rey was rocking her labor so far, remembering her deep breaths, and relaxing her muscles as much as possible to help facilitate her labor. Ben, unlike himself, asked her if she wanted to head over to the hospital yet, but Rey, completely in control now, calmly declined to go in, or even to disturb Hux and Rose, until she was having contractions at least five minutes apart or less.

Around 6 am, things were starting to get painful, and Rey was moaning out during the peak of each contraction, finding it hard to concentrate on her breathing during them. Ben suggested she take a bath or a shower, especially as her water had not broken yet. Rey agreed to try it, and Ben helped her strip down to her underwear and sports bra and settle into the warm water of the bath he’d drawn for her. Lavender scented water wafting around her, Rey found some relief, and Ben, in his white undershirt and sweat pants, was holding her hand during each contraction, and massaging her hands between them.

Around this time, Rey decided it was time to call Rose and Hux. Extremely excited, they asked if they should come over now, or else wait to meet her at the hospital. Rey, moaning in pain again, with contractions 4-5 minutes apart now, had Ben tell them she would probably be heading for the hospital soon, and to stand by until Ben sent them word.

***

It was now 3 o’clock in the afternoon, and it had been over 12 hours since Rey had been in active labor. Her water had broken around 11 am, and without the softening cushion of the intact water bag she was feeling the contractions much more intensely. She had entered the transition stage of her labor almost two hours ago, and had been crying out in her pain and fear as her double peaking contractions came relentlessly back to back, less than two minutes apart. Ben was getting worried; Rey had stalled after reaching 8 cm dilation at 1 pm. Knowing how difficult the transition period was, Ben was anxious to see it extending over the usual 30-60 minutes. She should be fully dilated and pushing by this time.

Rose and Hux had met them in the hospital at 8 am, hanging around and trying to give her support, but Rey couldn’t bear to hear anyone talk around her, except Ben, and she couldn’t stand for anyone to touch her, besides Ben. After a whispered consultation with Ben mid morning, they decided it would be best if they tiptoed out and spent some time in the waiting room, until it was time for Rey to start pushing.

All morning Ben and Rey had paced, Ben and Rey had squatted, Ben and Rey had rocked back and forth, slow dancing through the pain while Ben sang the sunshine song to her in a low, deep voice. But still she wasn’t progressing fast enough, she was in intense pain, and was wanting to give up. 

Dr Kenneth Oby had been on duty when Rey checked in, greeting them with a wink and a very cheerful, “Hello there my very pregnant patient and her male doula companion!” But at noon his shift was over, Dr Calrisian taking over Rey’s case. He’d left them alone for the most part, besides peeking his head in the door once or twice, but at 2 when he’d given Rey a vaginal exam, and had found her STILL at an 8, Rey had burst into tears, as she lay writhing in pain atop the bed. Dr. Calrisian looked at Ben with pity in his glance, then respectfully excused himself.

Ben was in absolute misery, almost a state of panic. Racking his brain for ways to help Rey, he suddenly remembered something he’d read before, in a study on the psychology of birth. Sometimes, when a woman went into birth with an unacknowledged and unresolved emotional pain or trauma, it would resurface during the vulnerability of birth, getting in the way of the complete bodily surrender needed for her to fully progress. Ben wondered if something from Rey’s past as an orphan was doing this to her now. He remembered another case; one of his first clients had lost her mother several months into her pregnancy, and he remembered how she’d been stuck in transition for over seven hours, before finally breaking down and voicing her emotional pain at the idea of giving birth without her late mother’s help and support. After she’d given it acknowledgement, and voiced her pain, she had felt better, and she’d had the baby within the next two hours. 

Overcome with love and pity, Ben was close by her side, gently holding her as he looked into her eyes, “Rey, honey, sunshine,” he spoke to her gently, “tell me what’s bothering you Rey. I know there is something, something giving you emotional pain and holding you back. Tell me what is is sweetheart, tell me Rey, let me help you.” 

As he spoke, Rey had cried even harder, deep heartrending sobs, and she shook her head sorrowfully. A contraction soon interrupted her, and she let out some high pitched wails of pain as she struggled to handle it, Ben holding her hands, her arms, her waist, doing his best to calm her. Finally, as she panted wearily, she looked at him with tear filled eyes, and spoke in a voice threatening tears, “Ohhh Ben. When this is over... oh Ben, I’ll lose EVERYTHING!” Rey burst into sobs again at the end of her sentence, and Ben thought he knew what was wrong. Of course! The baby. She’s been carrying this baby inside her for over nine months, it must be terrible to imagine giving it up, even to it’s own parents. Quickened to comfort her, he spoke to her gently, “Dear Rey, the little baby will always be a part of your life, and will always love you, as the revered and respected woman who helped it come into the world...” 

Rey, who has stopped crying for a moment to listen, interrupted him sadly, “Oh Ben Solo... it’s... it’s not the baby! It’s something else. After today, everything will go back to normal, I’ll go back to school and you’ll go back to your work and life... and... and I’ll be replaced... and... and I’ll lose YOU!” She was crying again, struggling to speak between sobs, “You‘ll never think of me again, and I ca-can’t b-bear it, I L-L-LOVE you.. and you only think of me as a cli... cli... client!” She started crying even louder than before, before being hit by ANOTHER contraction. 

As she had spoken, Ben had been reeling, entranced, hypnotized by her words. As the realization of what she was saying hit him, joy broke through his soul like light. He felt he was being born, born into a new world filled with hope and happiness. But as he comforted her through this contraction, he wrestled with himself, wondering what he should do... should he tell her how he felt, now in the midst of her most difficult and vulnerable moment? And if he didn’t speak, wouldn’t that be unspeakably more cruel? He made up his mind to settle somewhere between the two, and as soon as she was calm, he spoke.

“Rey... darling Rey. Sunshine, I want you to know that there is no chance that you will ever lose me from this day on, as long as you want me in your life.” Rey looked at him, hanging on to his words, the tracks of her tears still glistening on her lashes and cheeks. “Rey, of course I CARE for you, you have no idea how much I do. And I cannot tell you how much now. But you have to understand honey, how hard it has been for me, as things now stand, knowing that I CANNOT in good conscious speak to you about certain topics the way I WANT TOO, and HAVE wanted too, ever since the first time I met you, knowing how wrong it would be in me to abuse your trust and vulnerable position like that.” 

Rey’s chest was heaving as the realization of what Ben meant was dawning on her. She trembled and her eyes glowed, but she said nothing, a little smile hovering on her weary lips. Ben leaned in, planting a gentle kiss upon her forehead, and Rey leaned forward for a moment, her head on his shoulder and her face snuggled in the crook of his neck. Then, pulling back, she looked up into Ben’s eyes, once more her determined, confident self. “Help me up Ben, let’s do this!”

***

Strong and independent Rey was back in full force, and now that her emotional pain was dealt with, she was able to fully surrender to her labor once more, and began to feel the urge to push a mere ten minutes after her talk with Ben, who rang the nurse bell for the doctor.

Dr Calrisian was amazed, “Well I’ll be an OB, you’re at ten centimeters, baby is at 0 station and I’d say it’s time to push!” Rey asked the nurse to call in Rose and Hux, and moved around in different positions, trying to find a comfortable one to push in. She chose an on-all-fours position, her back to the doctor, leaning forward and holding onto the raised back of the bed. When she was as comfortable as could be expected in the circumstances, she was soon pushing in earnest, with Ben and Hux by her head, praising and encouraging her, while Rose stood by the doctor’s side to get a good view and help catch her baby. Rey was doing so well, and baby was crowning after only half an hour of steady pushing. “Remember to breath Rey,” Ben reminded her, “breath between pushes, while still bearing down, it will help you push more effectively.”

The pushing was a huge relief to Rey after the pain upon pain of transition. It felt almost good to be able to work with the contractions, and she knew it was all almost over.

Finally, giving one more mighty push, the little baby was born... it was a girl! Rey laughed with giddy relief, as Rose caught her daughter and Ben assisted a shaking, wobbly Rey in turning over and settling down in the bed. A ghost white Hux had gotten one look at his daughter before promptly fainting away, and was being attended to by the laughing nursing staff. 

Rey and Rose gushed and cooed over the baby. After the cord had stopped pulsing and had been cut, Rose removed her shirt, holding the little one close for some skin to skin as Rey smiled, looking on contentedly. Hux was awake by this time, grinning sheepishly and hovering over his wife and daughter. The little baby had a mop of raven black hair, just like her mother, and seemed to have inherited her mother’s nose and her fathers eyes, mouth and chin. 

But it was not quite over yet for Rey, so Ben gently ushered the starry eyed parents over to the other side of the curtain with their little miracle, before going back to Rey’s side. Rose and Hux sat down on the little sofa in the room with their baby as the pediatrician on call checked over the infant in their arms. All was well. 

An exhausted Rey pushed a few more times to deliver the placenta, then needed a couple of stitches on a minor surface tear on the upper right corner of her vagina (thankfully it had missed her clitoris). Rey winced in pain as she held tightly onto Ben, while he whispered in her ear how amazing she had been, kissing her once more on her forehead. 

Finally through with all the poking and prodding, all cleaned up and now settled in her room, Ben had gently helped Rey pump some of her colostrum to feed the grunting baby. When Rey expressed some disappointment on getting SO LITTLE after all that pumping, Ben reminded her how teeny tiny a new born baby’s stomach was, reassuring her that she only needed a teaspoon or so at a time. “What’s the use of growing huge breasts if they only produce a thimbleful of milk?” Rey, drunk with sleepiness, grumbled. Ben chuckled to himself. 

A member of the staff had found an empty room nearby where Hux and Rose could have some privacy to cuddle and bond with their new daughter, and Rey, unable to keep her eyes open, soon fell into a deep, deep sleep, and so did Ben, on the little sofa in her private room.

***

Ben woke up before Rey did. Unfolding his long limbs from the little sofa and stretching, he quietly checked on Rey, and, finding her expression peaceful, he tiptoed out of the room to grab a quick bite to eat from the cafeteria. There he met both Rose and Hux, smiling from ear to ear as they ate some soup and deli sandwiches. 

Ben grabbed a blueberry muffin and a cup of coffee and joined them. “Oh Ben, words cant express how grateful we are to you!” Rose gushed to him as he sat down. “We’re so blessed to have you in our lives. I hope we’ll keep in touch! Little Daisy is the sweetest thing!”

“Oh, did you call her Daisy?” Ben asked, delighted with the name. “Yes, it was the nickname her parents called Rey as a child, she was always such a bright and cheerful girl! We thought it would be a lovely way to honor her, don’t you think so?”

Ben agreed it was a beautiful gesture, and the name suited the baby perfectly. They sat together chatting for about an hour while they ate, and then they all went in a group back upstairs, parting ways on the maternity floor, the couple rushing back to see their daughter in the nursery and Ben going back to check on Rey.

She was awake when Ben entered, a nurse just leaving, another staff member setting up a little food tray on the rolling table by Rey’s bedside. Rey’s eyes sought his hungrily when he entered, and Ben noticed a slightly wary expression in her eyes, as if she had a slight remaining shred of fear that things would be different now that her pregnancy was over. But Ben’s eyes met her own as lovingly and cheerfully as ever (or perhaps, even more lovingly and cheerfully THAN ever) and Rey relaxed, throwing away her doubt and fear as she grinned and chatted with him as animatedly as ever, although her voice sounded slightly hoarse and tired still.

“Oh Ben, why don’t childbirth educators tell women all about the horrors of the postpartum period?” She groaned in mock dismay. “We did go over that during the last class, if you remember.” Ben answered smilingly.

“Ugh, you have an answer to everything Ben Solo. As a matter of fact I wasn’t paying very much attention during that last class... to much was on my mind.”

Ben studiously avoided her eye, not wanting to show just how well he understood her. Rey continued, “I had to have a nurse help me into the bathroom.... she stood there the entire time I was inside and helped me wash myself and get back into bed. And the oddest thing about that was I DIDN’T MIND AT ALL. Whew, you were right, birth really does overcome every last scrap of modesty a woman possesses.” 

Ben laughed as he came to sit at her bedside, unwrapping the food plates and encouraging her to eat. Rey cheerfully obliged him, still talking all the while, “I managed to pump another tablespoon full of the liquid gold and the nurse took it with her to the nursery for the little baby. She’s the sweetest, dearest little thing isn’t she?” Rey’s eyes were tender, with a slightly wistful faraway expression in them for a few moments. But she refused to dwell on sad and pointless thoughts, “I was lucky to have been a part of her life, and even though I’ll miss my little bump buddy, I know she’ll have the happiest life with two of the best parents in the world. And I’ll probably see her every day!” 

Neither Ben or Rey said anything about what had passed between them in the delivery room, and Ben did not INTEND to say anything until enough time had passed, to make sure Rey had fully recovered and really knew her mind. And for now Rey was satisfied with his half told truths, reading the rest of the story in the expression of his eyes, content with their shared dream of future joys to come.


	10. Home is Where You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this chapter gets a little NSFW. Skip if that isn’t your thing.

The postpartum period passed relatively smoothly for Rey. But she was rather shocked and horrified at just how unglamorous and uncomfortable it all was. And so the words between her and Ben remained unsaid for a while yet, Rey lamenting at how unsexy she felt, with her baggy, empty stomach, painfully engorged and leaking breasts, stinging and itching stitches healing in such a delicate area, as well as the aches, pains, soreness and seemingly endless weeks of postpartum bleeding that typically came with birth. She’d been put on birth control by her doctor to help stop milk production and regulate her cycle faster, which was fine with her, except she’d never been on the pill before and for the first week she was getting bad headaches. 

“I’m so uncomfortable,” Rey would whimper, days after the birth, as she struggled to find a way to sit on her bruised rear end, wincing a little as she felt the stinging of the stitches when she moved. “I’m a wreck of a person.”  
“Not to me,” Ben would reply. Rey, gratified but still feeling blue and unlovable, barely acknowledged Ben’s reply.

*

“I’m a disaster,” Rey would moan, a week after the birth, changing her soaking breast pads for the hundredth time that day as Ben handed her a pair of fresh, cool cabbage leaves (an old remedy, he taught her. Place a fresh leaf in each bra cup against the breasts, and the cabbage will help sooth aching full breasts and dry up breast milk).  
“Not to me.” Ben would reply feelingly, getting a faint smile in response from Rey.

*  
“Ugh, I look horrible,” Rey would say, a few weeks postpartum as she stared in disgust at her still slightly bulging and loose tummy in the mirror, streaked with a few thin, lightly colored stretch marks. 

“Not to me!” Ben would reply to her lovingly, and she knew he meant it. “I know” she would say.

*

Ben took Rey with him to his uncle Luke’s house once, to Kaydel’s twice, and to meet his parents several times during that holiday season, and everyone adored her. Then there had been the large New Years Party at the Solo household; it was the first time in forever that all of his family had been able to celebrate together under one roof; Han, Leia, Luke, Kaydel, little Poe and Kaydel’s new boyfriend Finn (THE FINN, owner of “Finn’s”). They also invited Hux and Rose with little baby Daisy, who was a sweet, rosy little bundle of chubby cheeks and roly poly legs. It was a large and merry party, everyone happy and getting along, with Leia whispering to Kay in the kitchen, “Are you sure Ben and Rey aren’t together KayKay? Did you see how they look at each other?! It seems they’re together!” and Han advising him secretly at the door to “Think seriously about this one, son, she’s a keeper, and you could use a copilot.”

On the way home Rey and Ben were both thoughtful, silent and contemplative. They almost had a moment at the door of their little house. As Ben held open the door for her and Rey passed by Ben in the dark, she stumbled slightly over the door mat, and nearly fell, being caught neatly by Ben. She turned around slowly, still in his arms, and the air sizzled with electricity as he pulled her closer, breathlessly, and she ran her hands lightly up his arms to his shoulders. She looked up at him, and he looked down... and right then Ben’s phone rang, breaking the spell. It was a client, due the second week of January, going into labor a week early. 

Ben reluctantly tore himself away and left, looking back at Rey over his should as she stood there, framed in the doorway, watching him leave with a sweet smile on her lips. 

***

Ben had stumbled home exhausted and weary after last night’s labor. A dangerous complication had occurred for the mom, and if Ben hadn’t caught it and called the doctor into the room right away, she would not have had the emergency c-section that saved both her and her baby’s life. It was a sobering experience, and Ben was thankful he had been vigilant and that his training as a nurse helped him catch it when he did.

Rey hadn’t been home when he’d arrived. He figured she had gone to visit Rose and see the baby. Her vaguely realized that around 6 weeks had past since the birth, and wondered when her postpartum appointment was scheduled. He thought of her as he took a hot shower, had some leftover lasagna from the fridge, and then went to his room for some much needed sleep. 

Five hours later, upon awakening Ben looked out his window, and breathed a sigh of contentment as he saw Rey’s car parked once again outside. It had been lightly snowing all day and now the ground was blanketed in a soft layer of sparkling white. Ben’s stomach fluttered with butterflies as he though of Rey once more under the same roof as him. He remembered their close encounter the night before. 

The sun was just starting to set, and Ben stretched, went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and combed his hair. Slipping on a white T-shirt and navy blue flannel pants, he exited his room. Rey wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, he noticed with some disappointment, so he sat down on the sofa in the quiet house, mindlessly browsing on his phone. He heard footsteps, and a door creaked open. Suddenly, Rey was in front of him. Ben gasped, utterly speechless at her beauty.

She was wearing her sparkling, sequenced, midriff bearing New Years top, but had paired it with high waisted and form fitting leggings instead of the modest skirt of yesterday. She had obviously taken a lot of time and care with her hair and makeup, and Ben stared at her with his mouth slightly open, heart racing in his admiration. Rey was the first to speak.

“Ben, I have something to say to you. Today I had my postpartum health check up, all is well and I’m as much back to normal as any woman could be after 9 months of pregnancy and labor. I’m officially no longer your client anymore.” She spoke quickly, wanting to get that part out of the way, and when Ben nodded in dawning comprehension, she continued.

“I also paid a visit to Millennium Academy this afternoon to sign up for the spring term. Classes start next week Ben, and they offered me my renovated housing unit back, so I guess that means I’ll be out of your hair...” she spoke guardedly, softly, looking at him half questioning, half fearful. Ben’s face fell in dismay and grief as he processed what she was saying. But before he could do anything besides gasp, Rey continued once more, staring steadily and deeply into his eyes.

“Unless you want me to stay Ben. I didn’t forget what we spoke of in the hospital 6 weeks ago; I knew my mind then and I know what I STILL want and desire now. I think we have a bond that few things can shake or change. But I won’t hold you to the promises you made in that moment. So.... give me a reason to stay Ben..... Give me a reason to stay.”

Ben was up and out of his seat by that time, suddenly towering over a very breathless Rey. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I’ve ever needed Rey,” the shackles holding his feelings inside finally obliterated, he spoke in deep, intense, sensual way that caused her insides to dance and swirl as she listened, “you’re dearer to me than my own self, and I’ve been heart achingly, deeply, madly in love with you from the first moment I’ve ever laid eyes on you... sweetheart, sunshine!”

“Oh Ben, my heart, my darling!” Rey was in his arms, standing on tiptoe to reach him for a kiss, awakening the long stifled, ravenous beast inside him, leaving him with panting desire. He pulled her up in his arms, close against his body as he devoured her lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Rey moaned down into his throat as Ben kissed her again and again, grabbing his hair and wrapping her legs around him as he held her, her back against a wall. 

After several sinfully satisfying moments, suddenly remembering himself, he forced himself to pull back, groaning, to the dissatisfaction of Rey. “Ben? Ben why?” She murmured with reddened lips and cheeks as she leaned forward into him. “Forgive me sunshine, that was too much, I should have been more gentle with you...” he began. Rey snorted, dragging him to the couch and pushing him into the cushions before straddling him, kissing him greedily. “You have NO idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this!” she panted as she pressed into him, while he kissed her throat, neck, shoulders, anything he could reach. “Ohhhh Rey, (kiss) Rey me too (kiss kiss kiss), it was torture sunshine (kiss).” 

After a few more minutes of this, a very dangerous looking Ben stopped her once more, pulling back, with his last remaining ounce of willpower, “Rey... I... if we don’t cool down, I’m afraid I’ll lose control... maybe we should...” 

Rey stopped his words with a hot little kiss, before leaning back as she straddled his hips, snugly on top of the growing lump in his pajama bottoms, staring into his eyes as she slowly pulled her shirt off over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and her two slightly-smaller-than-before-but-still-perky-breasts broke free from the material with a bounce and a jiggle, her pink nipples plump and tantalizing mere inches away from his face.

“Rey...” Ben spoke in a voice of deadly calm, a man about to lose control. “Are you sure?”

“YES!” Rey replies firmly, equally calm. 

Ben attacked. Rey gasped at the feel of his mouth on her breasts, his hands all over, pulling her closer. “Fuck. Finally!” Ben choked out between breasts. It was the first time Rey had ever heard him curse.

“Ben,” she eventually gasped into his ear between kisses, “take me to bed.” 

In a moment Ben stood up, lifting Rey in his arms as if she were nothing, and carried her, red cheeked and topless into his bedroom, depositing her on his bed. As he stood there, peeling off his shirt, his hands stuck for a moment, Rey reached forward while his arms were tangled to quickly pull down his pants. She gasped, almost horrified at what she saw.

“You’re almost scary big, Ben,” she joked with wide eyes, and Ben laughed as he gently pushed her back and began to ease off her leggings, panties and all. She reach up to play with him, her hand hardly able to wrap around his girth, and he groaned and panted as he felt her touch. 

Finally both nude, Ben sat there for a moment on his knees beside her, gazing at her in awe, finally allowing himself TO LOOK. She blushed under his hot gaze, and attempted to cover up her still loose stomach and stretch marks with her arms. 

“No Rey.” Ben whispered to her lovingly, looking into her eyes, “No. You’re beautiful. Ever single mark and scar. You are a selfless warrior, and I’m in awe of you.” He lay down next to her on the bed, leaning on one elbow as he used his hand to trace the silvery marks snaking across her belly, before following the trail he made with his lips and tongue. “You are gorgeous, here....” he kissed alone her stretch marks “and here...” he used his tongue to draw a line down her still visible linea nigra, “and here.” With his last words he had gently parted her legs, and leaning gently forward, traced the line of the little scar from her tear with his tongue. Rey shivered and moaned deeply with delight as she canted her hips towards him, wet and wanting. She was surprised to be feeling this way so soon after the birth, but she couldn’t help it, not with Ben around.

He pleasured her thoroughly with his mouth, telling her how delicious she was, how sweet. When she came she screamed his name, and he kissed his way up her body back to her mouth, as she trembled and shook, sated in his arms. “Ohhhhhh Ben, no one’s ever done that to me before, I love you, I love you, I love you!” 

“I love you too my sexy girl, my ray of sunshine.” Ben whispered against her neck, “try to sleep now Rey, I’ll sing to you.”

But Rey would have NONE of that, and she wasn’t done with Ben Solo yet. She told him so, finding Ben Solo very persuadable in that regard; she settled it quickly with him that he didn’t need protection, she knew he was clean, and she was on birth control; and he soon settled himself above her gently, a slightly worried expression in his eyes. He pushed his tip against her wet entrance, causing them both to sharply gasp out in desire. “I’ll be slow Rey,” Ben panted against her insistent lips, “If anything hurts let me know and I’ll stop immediately.” 

“JUST DO IT,” Rey whined as she writhed under him. Ben did it. First just the tip, then the length, inch by throbbing inch, up to the hilt, he pushed himself slowly inside her, eliciting a deep and carnal moan of pleasure from Rey. “OHHH!” she cried. He stopped when he heard her, asked if she was ok. “BEN PLEASE JUST MOVE!” Ben moved. 

She was so tight, Ben noticed with dizzying pleasure, and the doula in him marveled between thrusts at the fact that she had just given birth less than two months ago.

Rey was crying out by this time, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, kissing him forcefully wherever her mouth could reach, and he was thrusting deep, hard and fast. It had been his intention to be soft and gentle, but Rey and the little beast inside him had other plans.

Getting closer and closer to the edge of the great abyss, Rey called out his name again and again. “You are a MONSTER!” she cried out moments before she came. “YES I AM!” He growled in her ear as he fucked her even harder into the mattress, sending her over the edge of pleasure, and as she came, crying out his name, Ben found his release as well, gradually slowing down until both were still, contented, and blissfully happy. 

Still inside her, Ben leaned down and kissed her gently on her swollen lips, across her cheek and to her neck under her left ear. Rey snuggled happily under him, smiling as he whispered in her ear, “Stay with me Rey, this is your home.”

“I will Ben, and I know.”


	11. His Blessed Midwife Crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little nsfw, 
> 
> Again, possible pregnancy, labor and baby triggers.

“Wake up Benny, I want you.”

A groggy Ben slowly found himself being drawn out of sleep by his wife early one morning, as she whispered into his ear, her warm hand making its way down his stomach into the loose band of his sweatpants, in search of a certain something there. 

“Mmmmmm, OHHHH!” Ben murmured, gasping as her fingers wrapped around their sturdy target. Cracking open his eyes, he squinted, half smiling, at his heavily pregnant wife snuggled into his side. She’d already pulled off her nightie, and was laying there nude, her large belly heavy with HIS child and her swollen breasts begging to be fondled. “Oh Rey, you’ll be the death of me,” he groaned as he rolled over, running his hands all over her.

“You know how pregnancy effects me Ben... I crave YOU! Your smell, your touch, your voice... it almost drove me insane back when you were my doula, but you were TOO honorable sir. You have no IDEA what I would have let you do to me back then, if you had only asked! And so I demand you now.”

“I think I have some idea of that NOW. My dear lady, you ARE very demanding... almost as demanding as I am for you.” Ben teased, as he kissed her ear, her face snuggled against his neck as she inhaled the smell of him, “in fact, you didn’t let me get much rest last night; or yesterday afternoon, or yesterday morning....” Ben gazed off in space in his reverie, “Oh! Yesterday morning!”

“Well, it’s the healthy thing to do! Doula’s orders. As you taught me yourself, sex and orgasms are beneficial during pregnancy... I need your prostaglandins darling.” Rey lightly bit his ear lobe, causing Ben to yelp, the sit up in bed. He was throbbing now, bursting for her, “You win sunshine... how will it be today? Spooning or all fours? I know comfortable positions are limited for you right now...”

“Hmmmm, I think I’ll have my favorite, all fours! I have to practice my pelvic tilts anyway,” said naughty Rey, as she gently positioned herself with her bum pressing insistently against him. She was already wet. 

Ben grasped her hips in his large hands to hold her steady, as he gently but firmly slid himself inside her, enjoying the sound of her little panting cries. He was in awe at how deeply she seemed to crave him, at her reaction to him, even after a year of marriage, even now when she was 36 weeks pregnant. With HIS baby. A little girl, if the ultrasound was correct. His heart swelled with happiness as he gently slid himself out to the tip, then slowly thrusting, felt her muscles pulling him back in. 

They kept it up for as long as they could, until Rey, grown demanding after his slow teasing, took charge of matters and began working with him to deepen and speed up his thrusts. Crying out, he allowed himself to lose control, going faster and faster until she gasped and whimpered as she came, before he spilled his seed inside her, and she quivered and gasped with her face in a pillow.

Ben leaned over her to grab a few tissue from the nightstand before pulling out, wiping up the mess they made as a flushed and beaming Rey turned over into her side, laughing contentedly. 

“That was goooood!” Rey sighed, closing her eyes as she began to drift gently off into a blissful sleep. 

“YOU are good. Good morning sunshine.” Ben kissed her on her forehead, eyes shining with love, before getting up to take a shower and start his day.

***

Midwifery student Rey couldn’t have been happier, living her very best life. She often contemplated how her life had turned out, and her only explanation was that her own good deed had brought about her reward; if she hadn’t been Rose and Hux’s surrogate, she never would have met Ben Solo, never would have been his room mate, never would have fallen in love. Living with the man she loved, pregnant with his baby, surrounded by such loving and supportive friends and family, she only wondered at the intensity of her happiness, and doubted if her good deed and the sacrifices she made to have Daisy were enough for her to deserve all of the blessings she had in her life. She would have done it for nothing, after all. Her sacrifice wasn’t much. 

Rose and Hux begged to differ. Rey had brought them everything, and nothing that they or anyone else could ever do for her would ever pay her back for her great gift, nothing was good enough for her. Rey was a huge part of Daisy’s happy life, and the little baby doted on her, as did their blissful parents.

Many small changes had happened the past year. General Leia had finally retired, and Han no longer flew planes except for recreation, and so the dynamic in the senior Solo household changed, and it was for the better (for the most part). The happy, long married couple sure bickered a lot, but they had a deep understanding and love for each other that nothing could shake. Their back and forth was just their way; and however much they disagreed on the little things, they were united in the approval and joy they felt at their children’s happiness. Their contentment was not solely due to Ben and Rey’s happy marriage; their daughter Kaydel was finally finding happiness as well, she and Finn were recently engaged, and Poe and Finn were becoming the best of friends. 

Rey smiled to herself as she recalled her wedding day. She and Ben got married in the courthouse one morning, on April 3rd, a week before her birthday, merely two months after their coming to an understanding on New Years’s. It had been a simple affair, no muss or fuss. They had been through so much together, knew each other like open books, and their love had stood the test of time. There was simply no reason to wait! Rey had chosen a simple lacy white dress, Ben wore his black suit, and they had a party that afternoon in Ben’s studio. Only family was invited, along with Rose, Hux, little Daisy, Jannah, Finn and Amilyn Holdo. It had been a perfect day, followed by a still more perfect night. 

They didn’t go on a honeymoon. Why should they, when their own little house was so dear to them, and all they wanted to explore was each other?

Rey smiled to herself as she remembered the early days of her marriage. How Rey and Ben agreed for her to give up the birth control pills soon after their wedding, as the side effects were becoming too much for her to handle. How annoying it had been to both of them to use condoms, but neither one would say anything. How she had felt when Ben had shyly whispered to her one night, that he couldn’t wait to have a baby of their own. How Rey had nearly jumped out of bed in excitement, wanting that very thing more than anything else right now, explaining that she hadn’t said anything simply because she was worried it was too soon to talk about. They decided to start trying that very night, and “tried” nearly every day after. 

Rey got pregnant a mere four months after their wedding. And they were over the moon with happiness and excitement. Ben beamed with pride over that pregnancy test. 

Her pregnancy was so surprisingly easy this time around. She hardly felt any morning sickness or fatigue. She was stress free except for when her midwifery studies got monotonous or intense. Her routine with Ben was very similar to what it had been before, except this time there was a LOT of sex involved. Almost a scary amount. Rey craved Ben like crazy. Ben laughed at her, when she would run at him as soon as he came home after a long day or night of work just to hold him close and sniff his neck, inhaling the scent of him. Once Rey had read that pregnancy causes a woman’s sense of smell to intensify due to hormones, and many women discover they either LOVE their partner’s natural smell or hate it. Rey already knew how she felt about Ben. 

***

This time Rey wanted a water birth at Amilyn’s. Ben blocked out a whole two months of births off his schedule, passing his clients on to the two new Doulas (Becca Chew and Zori Bliss) he hired at his studio, keeping only his classes and social media posts active for the weeks before and after Rey’s due date. 

Rey surprised everyone, including herself, when she went into spontaneous labor at 38 weeks 5 days, going from nothing to strong contractions 5 minutes apart one day after getting home from their morning walk. Rey insisted later on that it was the sex that had done it, telling Ben that if he’d only given in to her many hints during her first pregnancy, she wouldn’t have gone overdue. 

“You and your hints... you were killing me!” Ben laughed. Soon after they had finally made love that eventful New Year’s Day, Rey had confessed to Ben about a few things. “Remember when I kept mentioning my changing breasts, and how I would lean so heavily on your arm during our walks... and how I used to moan so often when you massaged my back, and how on one of our earlier classes I’d asked the vibrator question?”

“Yessssss,” Ben had looked at her suspiciously, an amused gleam in his eye at this beginning of a confession. “Weelllllll in case you didn’t figure it out yet, It was because I was CRAZY about you Ben, I wanted you and wanted to make you want me too.”

“Well you enchanting little witch, all you succeeded at was torturing me, because I had already been head over heels in love with you since the first time I saw you. And I think it actually started when I heard your voice that night on the phone.”

“Ohhhh Ben your voice was soooooo sexy, I couldn’t wait to see you. Then when I did! I couldn’t believe my eyes. You were so BEAUTIFUL. I remember going through your online content later that evening, and I watched everything you’d ever posted that week, without hearing a word you said.”

Ben kissed her then, and they soon stopped talking, preoccupied with other more intimate pursuits.

***

Rey’s contractions had started after 8 am... by 12 she was walking into Amilyn’s, panting (but still smiling) on Ben’s arm, contractions coming in fast and strong at 2 minutes apart. 

“Seems like this baby is in a hurry!” Amilyn joked as she finished the vaginal exam. “You’re just about 7 cm right now Rey, if you like you can get in the tub right now, seems you’ll be pushing soon!”

Rey grunted her assent, before moaning out deeply through her next contraction, still, however, in full control, while Ben was excitedly bouncing and hovering around her. 

Their room was beautiful. Fairy lights and electric candles bathed the room in a rosy glow. Rose petals floated on the surface of the water as the scent of lavender and clary sage diffused in the air. Classical, relaxing piano music played softly in the background. Rey had only been settled in the tub for half an hour when she felt the urge to push.

Amilyn stood back quietly to the side, supervising closely as Ben sat in the water in front of Rey, watching the baby’s head crown, as Rey calmly pushed with low pants and cries. Finally the baby was born into Ben and Rey’s hands, and as they lifted her up and out of the water, onto Rey’s breast, she looked around with wide eyed wonder. 

“Hello my sweet one!” Rey cooed to her daughter, kissing her wet forehead. Ben was by Rey’s side, wrapping both of his girls in his arms, as Amilyn silently leaned forward to help with the after birth checks. 

“My sweet little Amy,” Ben softly whispered to his daughter in his deep voice, as the baby’s eyes turned to find his face, curious. “Welcome to the world.” 

***

Four years later  
~~~~~~~~~~

“Han darling, don’t give those babies any more sugar! They’ve had enough cake, ice cream and candy for a lifetime!” Leia scolded, as she lovingly rumpled the hair of two of her oldest grandchildren, Poe and Amy.

“Sure, sure granny, whatever you say!” Han winked at the kids, much to their delight, and they giggled as he continued to hand out cookies. “After all it IS Poe’s birthday,” Han whispered loudly. 

“Let’s do pway Daisy!” lisped little Amy, her sticky hands full of cookies, her wavy brown hair tumbling down her shoulders. She had her father’s eyes, her mom’s rounded cheeks and pink lips; she was as sweet and dainty as a little fairy. “Okay! Maybe daddy can tell us stories!” Daisy prattled, smiling bewitchingly up at Hux as he passed by, shaking her thick black bangs out of her elvish green eyes. He grinned and settled down for some storytelling. 

Ben and Rey were sitting at the dining table with Rose, Finn and Kay, talking and laughing. Kaydel and Finn had just announced their pregnancy a few days before, and they were discussing it now with Ben and Rey, always taking an opportunity to learn from the Doula/Midwife duo. 

“I supposed you two aren’t thinking of having another one any time soon?” Finn joked with them. Rey laughed, as she dandled her baby girl Wren on her knee, looking over at Ben with baby Kylo on his shoulders, pulling his hair and giggling as Ben gave out an exaggerated “ouch!” 

“The twins have barely reached their first birthday, and they definitely are a handful... so I’d say the baby factory is closed for now,” Rey laughed, kissing Wren’s rosy cheek. 

“I’d say that’s debatable, the more the merrier!” Ben joked, as he pulled naughty baby Kylo off his shoulders and tossed him up in the air, delighting in his baby laughter. 

“Ben wouldn’t mind a hundred and one... three is more than enough for now though Ben.” Rey retorted. 

“Good, because we want BOTH of you present for the birth of our little one.. you’re both officially hired!” Kaydel quipped. 

“It’s a deal!” Ben smiled. Tucking Kylo under one arm like a football, he leaned in to peck Kay and then Rey on their cheeks, before lifting Wren from Rey’s arms, taking the babies over to the rest of the kids to start some party games.

As Rey looked over the happy scene in front of her and caught the adoring eyes of her husband, she thought she could read his mind. They both thanked the heavens for granting Ben Solo his blessed midwife crisis.


End file.
